A Beggar

At a street corner squats a beggar.He is always there, under the tree, in the shade.Senile as he is, he crouches in some ragged pieces of cloth.He is there, always there, like a sculpture in the street.Day after day, thousands of people pass in front of him hurriedly.Some spare coins, most give a quick glance in disgust.However, it shocks me very much.What a miserable life a human being can bear！

At the first sight, you will be appalled that God has created such an emaciated creature.His dark face is full of wrinkles, deep or shallow.They remind people of the hardship the beggar has experienced.His cheeks are bony while his neck is so thin.His hair is bedraggled like a nest, a nest with a coat of oil.What an impressive sculpture it is! Most of the time, his mouth speaks while his eyes are half closed.But once a pedestrian passes by, he will keep nodding his head slightly and automatically as if a gust of wind had forced him to do so.At the same time, he raises his gnarled right hand from the ground，murmuring to beg.What a hand! It is a seamy, shriveled hand.The wrinkles in his skin are stretching, twisting and intersecting.Dirt fills the grooves.In front of him lies an dilapidated bowl with only a few coins in it.Believe it or not, it is more and more difficult to make a living by begging.Beside him, there is a stick as slim as his legs as if the third leg of the poor old beggar.

The sun is shining in the sky, but it doesn't shine every corner of the world.There are still people who are not bathed in the sunshine.The beggar is just one of them.

简评

本文用生动的语言形象地刻画了一位在路边以乞讨为生的孤苦老人。作者非常注重细节的描写，如乞讨者布满皱纹、饱经风霜的脸，乱蓬蓬油腻的头发，半张半合的眼睛，粗糙的手，瘦弱的腿和脖子，他面前的破碗，破烂的衣服等。还包括乞讨者的动作，如向行人点头，伸手乞讨等。此外，作者还描述了行人厌恶的神色，进一步渲染了乞讨者艰难的处境，以唤起读者的共鸣。

美中不足的是作者对乞讨者的描写没有遵循一定的顺序。描写文的写作一般要按一定的空间顺序组织，如：从上到下、从里到外、从远到近等，使文章显得更有条理。此外，在描写人物时，要抓住其最主要的特征，避免面面俱到。

本文在语言表达上的一大特色是词汇丰富而准确。如bony （cheeks）, thin（neck）, bedraggled（hair）, gnarled（hand）, stretching, twisting, intersecting（wrinkles）, dilapidated（bowl）等。作者还恰如其分地运用了一些修辞手法，特别是比喻，如His hair is bedraggled like a nest, a nest with a coat of oil; there is a stick as slim as his legs; he will keep nodding his head slightly and automatically as if a gust of wind had forced it to do so。

（点评教师：黄莺）

姓名：王禹钦

学号：992905 1