快乐由你决定 A Simple Truth about Happiness

佚名/Anonymous

I was not a particularly happy child, and like most teenagers, I reveled in my angst. One day, however, it occurred to me that I was taking the easy way out. Anyone could be unhappy; it took no courage or effort. True challenge lay in struggling to be happy.

The notion that we have to work at happiness comes as news to many people. We assume it's a feeling that comes as a result of good things that just happen to us, things over which we have little or no control.

But the opposite is true: happiness is largely under our control. It is a battle to be waged and not a feeling to be awaited.

To achieve a happier life, it's necessary to overcome some stumbling blocks, three of which are:

Comparison with Others

Most of us compare ourselves with anyone we think is happier—a relative, an acquaintance or, often, someone we barely know. I once met a young man who struck me as particularly successful and happy. He spoke of his love for his beautiful wife and their daughters, and of his joy at being a radio talk-show host in a city he loved. I remember thinking that he was one of those lucky few for whom everything goes effortlessly right.

Then we started talking about the Internet. He blessed its existence, he told me, because he could look up information on multiple sclerosis—the terrible disease afflicting his wife. I felt like a fool for assuming nothing unhappy existed in his life.

Images of Perfection

Almost any of us have images of how life should be. The problem, of course, is that only rarely do people's jobs, spouses and children live up to these imagined ideals.

Here's a personal example: No one in my family had ever divorced. I assumed that marriage was for life. So when my wife and I divorced three years after the birth of our son, my world caved in. I was a failure in my own eyes.

I later remarried but confided to my wife, Fran that I couldn't shake the feeling that my family life had failed. She asked me what was wrong with our family now(which included her daughter from a previous marriage and my son). I had to admit that, aside from the pain of being with my son only half the time(my ex-wife and I shared custody), our family life was wonderful.

"Then why don't you celebrate it?" she asked.

That's what I decided to do. But first I had to get rid of the image of a "perfect" family.

"Missing Tile" Syndrome

One effective way of sabotaging happiness is to look at something and be fixated on even the smallest flaw. It's like looking up at a tired ceiling and concentrating on the space where one tile is missing. As a bald man told me,"Whenever I enter a room, all I see is hair."

I've spent years studying happiness, and one of the most significant conclusions I've drawn is this: there is little correlation between the circumstances of people's lives and how happy they are. A moment's reflection should make this obvious. We all know people who have had a relatively easy life yet are essentially unhappy. And we know people who have suffered a great deal but generally remain happy.

The first secret is gratitude. All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it's truer to say that complaining leads to people becoming unhappy.

The second secret is realizing that happiness is a by-product of something else. The most obvious sources are those pursuits that give our lives purpose—anything from studying insects to playing baseball. The more passions we have, the more happiness we're likely to experience.

Finally, the belief that something permanent transcends us and that our existence has some larger meaning can help us be happier. We need a spiritual or religious faith, or a philosophy of life. Your philosophy should encompass this truism: if you choose to find the positive in virtually every situation, you will be blessed, and if you choose to find the awful, you will be cursed. As with happiness itself, this is largely your decision to make.

我以前并不是一个非常快乐的孩子，像大多数十几岁的孩子一样，我总是沉浸在自己的烦恼中。但是，有一天，我豁然开朗：谁都有可能不快乐，那不需要任何勇气或努力，真正的挑战就在于，你努力想使自己快乐。

也许很多人都未曾听说过，快乐也要付出努力。我们通常认为，当我们很难控制或无法控制的好事降临时，快乐才随之而来。

然而，事实刚好相反：在很大程度上，我们自己控制着快乐。快乐是努力争取的成果，而不是等待的结果。

要让生活更加快乐，我们必须扫除一些绊脚石，以下是其中三个：

与他人攀比

大多数人都喜欢与自认为比自己快乐的人比较——亲戚、熟人，或者是我们不甚了解的人。我曾经遇到一个年轻人，他的巨大成功和快乐让我羡慕不已。他说他非常爱自己漂亮的妻子和女儿们，也为能在自己喜欢的城市做一个电台脱口秀节目主持人而感到高兴。我记得当时我认为他是那些为数不多的幸运儿之一，一切都那么轻而易举。

然后我们谈到了因特网。他告诉我，他感激它的存在，因为从网上能查到大量硬化症的信息——他的妻子一直承受着这种可怕疾病的折磨。我现在还记得，当时竟愚蠢地认为他的生活没有丝毫不快。

完美主义

几乎每个人都对自己的生活有一番设想。可问题是，人们的工作、配偶和孩子很少能达到理想的境地。

就拿我的亲身经历来说：我的家族中以前从未有人离过婚。我也认为结婚是一辈子的事。所以，当我和妻子在儿子出生三年后离婚时，我觉得整个世界都崩塌了。我认定自己是一个失败者。

后来，我向再婚的妻子弗兰诉苦：我认为自己的家庭生活已经失败，而这样的感觉一直无法摆脱。她问我，我们现在的家庭（包括她和前夫的女儿，我的儿子）有什么问题吗？我必须承认，除了只有一半的时间与儿子相处，令我感到痛苦外（我和前妻分担监护权），我们的家庭生活非常美满幸福。

“那么，为什么你不因此而庆幸呢？”她问道。

我正决定这样做，前提是我必须清除想象中的“完美家庭”。

“缺失的砖块”综合征

紧盯着某瑕疵会极大地破坏幸福。就像抬头看天花板，注意力只集中在缺失一块瓷砖的地方。正如一个秃顶的人告诉我：“无论何时走进一个房间，我看到的全是头发。”

我花了几年时间研究快乐，得出的最重要的结论之一是：人们感受快乐的程度，与他们的生活条件并无太大关联。只要联系一下现实，这个结论便显而易见了。我们都知道，一些人的生活相对安逸，却并不快乐；我们也知道，有些人遭受了巨大的痛苦，却仍旧很开心。

第一个秘诀是感恩的心。所有快乐的人都满怀感激，而不知感恩的人则感受不到快乐。我们以为，不快乐的人才会一味地抱怨。事实上，正是抱怨使人们变得不快乐。

第二个秘诀是认识到快乐是一种其他事情的副产品。快乐最主要的根源在于，是追求让我们的生活有了目的——从研究昆虫到打棒球。我们拥有更多的激情，就会感受到更多的快乐。

最后，相信某种永恒会超越我们，我们的存在有更伟大的意义，这些会帮助我们享受更多快乐。我们需要精神上或宗教上的信仰，或是一种生活的哲理。你的人生哲学应该包括这个公认的真理：如果你在任何情况下都选择发现事实的积极面，你就会感到快乐；如果选择关注消极面，你就会痛苦。快乐本身，在很大程度上取决于你所作的决定。

心灵小语

在任何情况下，如果你都选择发现事物的积极面，你就会感到快乐；如果你选择关注消极面，你就会痛苦。因为快乐本身，在很大程度上取决于你所作的决定。

W 词汇笔记

revel[ˈrevəl]v.作乐；狂欢

例 They were drinking and revelling all night.

他们整夜喝酒作乐。

stumbling[ˈstʌmbliŋ]adj.摇摇晃晃或跌跌撞撞的

例 Unusually among retailers, IKEA has managed its international expansion without stumbling.

这一举措在零售业出奇制胜，所以宜家在向国际发展时没有遇到什么障碍。

bless[bles]v.求神赐福于；求上帝降福；祝福

例 The priest blessed the bride and groom.

牧师祝福了新娘和新郎。

syndrome[ˈsindrəum]n.综合征；典型表现

例 The spots on his throat are part of a syndrome.

他嗓子里的红斑是一种综合征的部分症状。

S 小试身手

真正的挑战就在于，你努力想使自己快乐。

译___________________________________________

人们感受快乐的程度，与他们的生活条件并无太大关联。

译___________________________________________

快乐本身，在很大程度上取决于你所作的决定。

译___________________________________________

P 短语家族

We assume it's a feeling that comes as a result of good things……

as a result of：由于……的结果

造___________________________________________

Most of us compare ourselves with anyone we think is happier……

compare with：比得上；与……相比

造___________________________________________