STEP 1
Study Your Boss

Your boss is the central character in your work life. No matter how long you’ve been working, I bet you can name every boss you ever had—that’s how powerful their imprint is on us. We remember our bosses because they have a significant impact on our overall work experience. I’ve long forgotten most of the details of my first part-time job (which was decades ago) but I’ll never forget Mr. Peterson, my first boss. Mr. Peterson was a taskmaster, but he was fair and supportive if you were willing to work hard. I learned a lot from him, most of which went beyond how to do the job. He taught me the meaning of work ethic, commitment, and accountability.

I imagine you have lots of boss stories, too. I bet you could also tell me how each boss made you feel—whether you enjoyed working for them or couldn’t wait to get away from them. Whether you loved coming to work or dreaded Monday mornings. Bosses are like that, it seems; we either love them or hate them.

How many bosses will you have in your career? Given that the average U.S. job tenure is 4.1 years (according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics) you’re probably going to have at least 15–20 different bosses before you retire. What are the odds that everyone of them is going to be a great manager? How many will have your best interests in mind? How many will be focused on your growth and development? How many will be comfortable with you being the star? The fact is you’re almost certain to work for both good and bad bosses in your career … and how you adapt to these different bosses will have everything to do with your job satisfaction.

Best Boss/Worst Boss

One of the exercises I do with corporate leadership audiences involves having them share their “best” and “worst” boss stories. The room is buzzing with energy when they talk about their favorite manager; everyone has a story about their best boss helping to advance their careers. However, the room gets a lot quieter when they tell the worst boss story. In fact, some people would rather not be reminded of this person at all. But here’s what’s fascinating about this exercise… nearly everyone has a story to share about a good and bad boss; they’ve all had both experiences.

The “best boss” story has many common themes—good direction, empowerment, feedback, recognition, a mentoring relationship, and plenty of opportunities to grow and develop. Above all, there is clear line of sight to everything the boss is about; you get where they’re coming from, and know why they do the things they do. Everything is transparent, logical, and understood; simply put, there’s always a solid relationship at the heart of the best boss story. They care about you as an individual, too.

The “worst boss” story is a completely different tale. These stories are filled with poor delegation, lack of empowerment, no recognition or feedback, no coaching or mentoring, andoftentimes, even underhanded behavior. To make matters worse, the worst bosses are hard to read; you never truly know why they do what they do. In fact, when you work for one of these bosses, you feel confused and frustrated a lot of the time; there just isn’t a strong relationship, or even the possibility of building one. Bad bosses tend not to care about you as a person.

Why do some bosses care about you while others don’t? Why are some bosses open and transparent, while others are closed off or malicious? Why are some bosses confident and egoless, while others are insecure? I think it has everything to do with their personal motives. Everything your boss does (or doesn’t do) can be traced back to his beliefs or values—which produce a distinct set of motives. You want to have a better relationship with your boss? It starts with understanding what really drives his behavior.

Understanding Your Boss’s Motives

To paraphrase Leo Tolstoy’s quote about families, all good bosses resemble each other, but each bad boss is different in their own way. Therein lies the essence of this book—if you’re struggling to get along with your boss, you have to figure out his unique motivations. You see, I believe that every behavior can be traced back to a specific motive—that even bad bosses do things for a reason. The problem is the bad boss’s motives are often misguided or self-serving. If he doesn’t let you meet with his boss, for example, there’s a reason for that … and in order to truly understand why, you have to understand his motives.

There is no doubt that our personal motives drive our actions. Some of us are motivated by money, others crave recognition. Some of us just want to do good work; others wantto get ahead at all costs. Some of us want to be liked by everyone and others couldn’t care less about making friends at work. Some of us are afraid of making a mistake; others are more comfortable with risk. We’re all motivated by something … and that includes your boss.

I wish I could tell you exactly what your boss wants from you. But I’m not in the relationship—you are. So you have to do the work … you have to study his behaviors to truly understand his motives. The key to working comfortably with your boss is figuring out what drives his thoughts and actions.

Study Your Boss

If your boss is a mystery to you, you need insight. Insight is the understanding of the motivational forces behind one’s actions, thoughts, or behavior. This definition perfectly describes what I’m trying to help people achieve through coaching—a clear picture of what is driving their boss’s behavior. We do this through a process I call “studying your boss.”

I have found that people who struggle with their boss generally haven’t done their homework; they haven’t rigorously studied their manager’s behavior to uncover core motives. They feel the result of the boss’s behavior, but don’t understand what is causing it. They’re frustrated by their interactions with the boss, but they don’t know what to do about it. When I work with people who fit this description, I ask them a series of questions to help them gain the insight needed to adjust the relationship with their boss.

This process of studying your boss involves ten questions. Each question is designed to offer awareness into the boss’sbehaviors or mindset. The answers may come from asking the boss directly, talking with peers, or just paying closer attention to your immediate environment. However gained, the insights will give you a much clearer picture of the underlying motives that drive your boss’s actions. At this stage, I just want you to thoughtfully consider and answer these questions as best you can. Try the writing exercises, and reflect on what you’ve learned. Later, in section three, I’ll provide suggestions for adapting to various motives. Here are the questions:

As we take a look at each of the questions in depth, write down your thoughts or observations to each question and dig deep for signs or signals that you haven’t noticed before. Ask trusted peers for their opinions, and pay attention to your boss’s moods, body language, words, and actions. By carefully considering each question, you will develop a series of insights that will help explain his behavior.