记叙文类
人物万象
Memories of My Mother
姓名：孙扬
学号：0070 1 24
“Long, long ago, there was an island in the distant sea, where lived a fairy who was said be able to make a child lovely and bright.One day, ...”As the story went on, Mum's voice grew fainter and fainter, when she gently looked down at me. Then a melodious song came into my ear as if music made by the angels flying in the faraway sky.Gradually, Mom's smile dimmed, and her glittering eyes were just like the brightest stars on the dark blue curtain of night...
Countless nights had passed—in this way during my infancy.In my naive heart, Mother's voice was deeper and softer than the nightingale.Even now I still remember quite clearly that cradlesong she used to sing before I fell asleep.Those old melodies still sound so good to me, as they melt the years away. To me, Mother's companionship was the most important thing in my childhood.
Mother is an incurable romantic, passionately in love with life and with the mystery of the universe.She taught me to open up all the channels of my senses to touch and feel what lies all around me, and discovered with me the beauty of nature, the joy, excitement and mystery of the new and the unknown.She is quite at home in literature because of her active and imaginative mind.Every new experience, every new discovery concerning the world could delight her.
I went off to college, but Mum is still always in my memory.I could hear her voice every time I fell short in anything. From breast to cradle to reassuring hug, Mum has shared all the happiness and depression of mine.However, she never expressed herself.Upon my entry into university, when she and Father were going back home, she hurriedly turned back to run along, even without a look at me.I knew she dared not, for fear that tears should fall down in my presence.This separation would last nearly five months during which she could not see me.She was just trying to stop me from seeing her crying.I was refraining myself, too, because the long-time living with her had made me an exact person like her.Later, Father told me she kept wiping her eyes on the bus to the railway station.I knew that, because I love you, Mum, and you already knew that too.
简评
这是一篇情真意切的散文佳作。亲情、友情、爱情是永恒的话题，而对母亲的思念更是牵动着无数在外求学的游子的心。孙扬同学的这篇作文语言清新流畅，自然纯真。对人物的描写和心理活动的刻画都生动传神，将母亲对他的爱放在平凡的日常生活中娓娓道来，并抓住母亲送自己上大学这一点进行重点描写，显示了作者娴熟的写作功力。
作者对语言的把握也相当出色，虽然句式和词汇并不复杂，但词汇的使用都贴切传神，所谓“the right word at the right time”。作者的阅读面也很宽，“Those old melodies still sound so good to me, as they melt the years away.”这一句就是引自The Carpenters的名曲“Yesterday Once More”，但使用得恰到好处。尽管文章中叙事和议论交织在一起，但作者对时态的使用依然准确无误。作者还善于使用短语来配合叙事文体的特征，像fall short, at home等的使用都显示了作者不凡的语言功底。
当然，作者对部分词汇（如naive, intensely和refrain）的使用似乎来源于辞典的汉语释义，显得不够地道。而英英辞典或英汉双解辞典则能够很好地帮助学习者走出辞典译文的误区。此外，若将自己和父母依依惜别的场景描写得更加细腻一些，尤其是注重母亲的眼神、动作等细节描写，则会收到更好的效果。
（点评教师：孙东云）
姓名：王雪阳
学号：02250 1 5
