复旦大学学生优秀英语作文选评
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The Beauty of Xi Garden(曦园)

The vigorous, leisurely and dazzling spring approaches.

Every morning, the quiet and tranquil Xi Garden beckons me to breathe the fresh air and stroll on the lush lawn.The morning is brilliant and cool, dead still, with no breeze to stir leaves.The steady melodious trill of birds, the voice reading English, and my footsteps on the path are the only sound.Along the path, the upstanding and twiggy small trees with fresh green leaves glittering with dewdrops herald a prosperous new year.

In the evening, I come here again.The tangerine sky glows on the small garden.The bright yellow primroses, the mildly green willows, the lovely nameless wild flowers variegate the garden.On the stone chair, two old ladies are chatting while knitting.Their lined faces are sincere and their wavering voices are friendly.A gentle girl stands by the pool of glistening ripples, a book in her hand, her dark hair gleaming smoothly above the yellow page.She stares silently into the distance.Not far away, there sit a couple, the boy's arm across her soft shoulder,the girl holding his waist.They sit close together, with one shadow cast on the dry lawn.

简评

本文描写了春天的曦园清晨和傍晚的景色。清晨的曦园,作者突出了其宁静,具体表现有:没有足够的风吹动一片叶子,鸟啼声、朗读英语声和作者的脚步声是仅有的声音。傍晚的曦园显得色彩斑斓:橘红色的天空、浅黄色的报春花、嫩绿色的柳条、还有各种不知名的野花;人气也旺了许多:两个老妇人坐在石凳上聊天,一个女学生站在池边看书,不远处还有一对情侣。

作者写曦园的美,并不是面面俱到,而是选取了清晨和傍晚的两个场景,突出了清晨的宁静和傍晚人们的活动,在布局上做得很好。本文的一大特色是作者的观察非常仔细,着眼于一些小的细节,如Their lined faces are sincere and their wavering voices are friendly; her dark hair gleaming smoothly above the yellow page;with one shadow cast on the dry lawn。细致入微的生动描写令人物栩栩如生,使读者仿佛身临其境。

(点评教师:黄莺)

姓名:乐颖毅

学号:0222704