复旦大学学生优秀英语作文选评
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A Girl

Parks are my favorite places to go.Bathed in the warm and gentle sunshine, I lie on the lawn, holding a poetry book in my hand to read.Occasionally, my attention is drawn away from the book to the scene around me, which is unique in spring. Thought there're birds singing, grass swinging, and flowers smiling, one sharp white figure is gradually taking up my whole view.It's a girl, dressed in a white gown, walking slowly towards me.Breeze brushes my face, and carries the aroma from the girl.

She is strolling down the path while her figure is rising and falling so smoothly and peacefully.The rhythm of her movements composes an elaborate melody.Her soft hair flows down to her waist, on which the sunshine casts a light of ring.The gown outlines her pretty curves.Her skin looks so delicate that it, I'm sure, must feel as smooth as silk.

Now she is in my reach, only a foot from me.My heart beating in excitement, I swiftly jump up, and bow a little just in 26 the way gentlemen do, motioning a greeting to her.As a response, she turns around and gives me a smile, which reveals her gentleness—a desirable character, not judged by appearance but fully perceived by what you find in her eyes.She continues walking and soon is out of sight, but I'm still there, realizing that there is really something left inscribed in my heart.

简评

本文的作者用细腻的文笔描写了他在公园中有一面之缘的一位女孩,并真实地袒露了一个情窦初开的男孩的心理世界。作者将镜头聚焦在这位从远处缓缓走来的女孩:首先映入眼帘的是一个白色的身影,迈着有节奏的步伐,散发出阵阵芳香。女孩渐行渐近,作者观察到了她在阳光的映衬下柔软的头发,优美的身材曲线,丝一般光洁的皮肤,温柔的笑容等。作者对自己内心世界的描写生动而真实:当女孩走近时,他心跳加速,目送她走出视野后,仍感到有什么东西铭刻在心,自然地流露出爱慕之情。文章篇幅不长,美丽的女孩和情窦初开的男孩的形象却深入人心。

文章的语言非常优美,很富有想像力。例如,在作者眼中, The rhythm of her movements composes an elaborate melody;Her skin looks so delicate that it, I'm sure, must feel as smooth as silk等。这是描写人物的文章中的一篇佳作。

(点评教师:黄莺)

姓名:徐昕

学号:02707 1 1