Memories of My Brother

My elder brother has helped me register and get everything into my dormitory.It is time for him to leave.Due to two days' toil and lack of sleep he looked a bit worn.His hair was in a mess; his eyes were slightly swollen.He took out all his money and pressed it into my handbag, except 200 hundred yuan—his returning fare.

“I have enough money for this semester.I don't need it, ”said I.

“The living cost in Shanghai is so high.It will come in very handy.Besides, it's cold and damp in winter here, so you'd better buy a warm and thick coat, ”he said in a hoarse voice.

I nodded, tears welling into my eyes.

With a smile, he encouragingly patted me on the shoulder and said:“Don't cry, enjoy your campus life but don't forget to work hard.”

简评

何祥菊同学的这篇作文虽然不长，但情真意切。字里行间洋溢着兄妹之间的深情厚谊。对于记叙哥哥送她上大学这段经历时，作者只截取了最后分别的一段，因而显得重点突出。作者没有用煽情的词句和动人的语言，但通过对人物的细节描写，如外貌、表情等，就很好地渲染出了兄长对妹妹的无私关怀。

作者的语言地道，用词精炼生动，显示了作者不凡的语言功底。作者对文体知识也有较好的了解，在交谈中使用了一些口语中的词汇和词组，显得人物对话更加亲切生动，真实可信。

作者在这篇短文中不仅融入了自己的真情实感，而且运用了灵活的写作技巧，使文章显得光彩夺目，是一篇不可多得的佳作。

（点评教师：孙东云）

姓名：王汗青

学号：02 1 5095