第二节 各分数段范文点评

四、六级写作部分满分为15分，成绩分为六个档次：13~15分、10~12分、7~9分、4~6分、1~3分和0分。各档次的评分标准见下表：

下面，我们以2010年12月的四级作文题How Should Parents Help Children to Be Independent? 为例，对各分数段的文章进行点评：

1-3分作文

Parents shouldn’t help children do all things. They should be independent. Children is not young but parents are old. So children had better to be independent. Parents did a lot for children that makes them lazy. Children can not do thing if parents don’t help them. In order to help children be independent, parents need try their best to work hard. Why not letting children live alone? Parents think of that is said above.

行文点评

这篇文章的字数没有达到题目要求，文章的语言表述不清，层次混乱，条理性差，且大部分句子都有语法错误。

4-6分作文

At present, many parents help children to do things. They help them do the washing, do the shopping, do the cleaning. They help them a lot. I think it is not good. Children should do the things by themselves.

Parents should not help them. They should ask them to do something alone. What should they do? They should tell children to deal with their things independently. Sometimes it is difficult at first, but they have to do it. Children will grow up. They are too old to do things by themselves. Parents had better tell them how to do it, because they are their parents.

行文点评

这篇文章基本切题，但是语言生硬，简单句较多。而且，文章的衔接较差，表述不够连贯，思想表达不够清楚，有语言错误。

7-9分作文

At present many children can not deal the difficulty by themselves because they are not dependent enough. But that is not just their own matters, which are developed by their parents. The parents indulge children and do all the things for them so that they couldn’t develop the ability to live by themselves. So it is not strange to see that the young student do not know how to peel the apple.

In order to develop the dependence ability of the children, parents should encourage them to do things by themselves and think out ways to handle the emergencies, and then they can give them solutions and lessons. Taking part in summer holiday camp can make the children be the master of their lives.

行文点评

这篇文章基本切题，但是只陈述了观点，缺乏生活中的事例去证实，这使得文章过于单调，而且文章中有语言错误。

10-12分作文

At present, many children cannot deal the difficulties by themselves because they are not dependent enough. But that is not just their own matters;it is partly because of parents. The parents indulge children and do all the things for them so that they couldn’t develop the ability to live by themselves.

It is very strange to see that the young student do not know how to peel apples. In fact in our society there are many ridiculous fact happening on students. For example they never cook or wash, they become very selfish and do not care for others. That is the tragedy of the society.

In order to develop a kind of optimistic attitude and strong will of the children, parents should sense the importance of current occasions. Encouraging students to do housework and taking part in camp to communicate and live on their own which will benefit the students healthily and positively. So give the children rights and enough room to promote the ability of living and challenging.

行文点评

这篇文章比较切题，思想表达清楚，文字比较连贯，但有一些语法错误。

错误剖析

1.At present, many children cannot deal the difficulties by themselves...deal是不及物动词，后面应加with。

2.In fact in our society there are many ridiculous fact happening on students. fact应为复数形式。

13-15分作文

Helping children learn to be independent is an important task of parents. Unfortunately, many parents are failing in this task in our modern age. As a result, children are growing up into adults who don’t understand responsibility or consequences.

Sometimes children screw things up, or make foolish choices, and it is not wise for parents to protect their children from the consequences all the time. When parents do everything for their children, they are not helping them. Parents should ask children to do things by themselves and when they are in trouble, they can give them instructions. Moreover, parents should help their children learn how to make decisions. Parents need to sometimes leave children with a choice, and let them see the consequences that come from making stupid decisions. In this process, the child can learn how to make a wise decision when he is older.

To help children become an independent person, parents should give children more freedom and more chances to make their own decisions.

行文点评

这篇文章语义连贯，词汇运用恰当。整体结构脉络清晰，文字通顺，基本没有语法错误。

寻章摘句

1.As a result, children are growing up into adults who don’t understand responsibility or consequences.

2.Parents should ask children to do things by themselves and when they are in trouble, they can give them instructions.

3.To help children become an independent person, parents should give children more freedom and more chances to make their own decisions.