第20章

And Michaelis,thrilled by his power to thrill,was really wonderful...and quite beautiful,in Connie's eyes.She saw in him that ancient motionlessness of a race that can't be disillusioned any more,an extreme,perhaps,of impurity that is pure.On the far side of his supreme prostitution to the bitch-goddess he seemed pure,pure as an African ivory mask that dreams impurity into purity,in its ivory curves and planes.

His moment of sheer thrill with the two Chatterleys,when he simply carried Connie and Clifford away,was one of the supreme moments of Michaelis'

life.He had succeeded:he had carried them away.Even Clifford was temporarily in love with him...if that is the way one can put it.

So next morning Mick was more uneasy than ever;restless,devoured,with his hands restless in his trousers pockets.Connie had not visited him in the night...and he had not known where to find her.Coquetry!...at his moment of triumph.

He went up to her sitting-room in the morning.She knew he would come.

And his restlessness was evident.He asked her about his play...did she think it good?He had to hear it praised:that affected him with the last thin thrill of passion beyond any sexual orgasm.And she praised it rapturously.

Yet all the while,at the bottom of her soul,she knew it was nothing.

'Look here!'he said suddenly at last.'Why don't you and I make a clean thing of it?Why don't we marry?'

'But I am married,'she said,amazed,and yet feeling nothing.

'Oh that!...he'll divorce you all right...Why don't you and I marry?

I want to marry.I know it would be the best thing for me...marry and lead a regular life.I lead the deuce of a life,simply tearing myself to pieces.

Look here,you and I,we're made for one another...hand and glove.Why don't we marry?Do you see any reason why we shouldn't?'

Connie looked at him amazed:and yet she felt nothing.These men,they were all alike,they left everything out.They just went off from the top of their heads as if they were squibs,and expected you to be carried heavenwards along with their own thin sticks.

'But I am married already,'she said.'I can't leave Clifford,you know.'

'Why not?but why not?'he cried.'He'll hardly know you've gone,after six months.He doesn't know that anybody exists,except himself.Why the man has no use for you at all,as far as I can see;he's entirely wrapped up in himself.'

Connie felt there was truth in this.But she also felt that Mick was hardly making a display of selflessness.

'Aren't all men wrapped up in themselves?'she asked.

'Oh,more or less,I allow.A man's got to be,to get through.But that's not the point.The point is,what sort of a time can a man give a woman?

Can he give her a damn good time,or can't he?If he can't he's no right to the woman...'He paused and gazed at her with his full,hazel eyes,almost hypnotic.'Now I consider,'he added,'I can give a woman the darndest good time she can ask for.I think I can guarantee myself.'

'And what sort of a good time?'asked Connie,gazing on him still with a sort of amazement,that looked like thrill;and underneath feeling nothing at all.

'Every sort of a good time,damn it,every sort!Dress,jewels up to a point,any nightclub you like,know anybody you want to know,live the pace...travel and be somebody wherever you go...Darn it,every sort of good time.'

He spoke it almost in a brilliancy of triumph,and Connie looked at him as if dazzled,and really feeling nothing at all.Hardly even the surface of her mind was tickled at the glowing prospects he offered her.Hardly even her most outside self responded,that at any other time would have been thrilled.She just got no feeling from it,she couldn't 'go off'.

She just sat and stared and looked dazzled,and felt nothing,only somewhere she smelt the extraordinarily unpleasant smell of the bitch-goddess.