第14章

"'You have sometimes found me rubbing my hands in the enjoyment of a sort of happiness.Well,I had just succeeded in some ruse worthy of the stage.I had just deceived my wife--I had sent her by a purchaser of wardrobes an Indian shawl,to be offered to her as the property of an actress who had hardly worn it,but in which I--the solemn lawyer whom you know--had wrapped myself for a night!In short,my life at this day may be summed up in the two words which express the extremes of torment--I love,and I wait!I have in Madame Gobain a faithful spy on the heart I worship.I go every evening to chat with the old woman,to hear from her all that Honorine has done during the day,the lightest word she has spoken,for a single exclamation might betray to me the secrets of that soul which is wilfully deaf and dumb.Honorine is pious;she attends the Church services and prays,but she has never been to confession or taken the Communion;she foresees what a priest would tell her.She will not listen to the advice,to the injunction,that she should return to me.This horror of me overwhelms me,dismays me,for I have never done her the smallest harm.I have always been kind to her.Granting even that I may have been a little hasty when teaching her,that my man's irony may have hurt her legitimate girlish pride,is that a reason for persisting in a determination which only the most implacable hatred could have inspired?Honorine has never told Madame Gobain who she is;she keeps absolute silence as to her marriage,so that the worthy and respectable woman can never speak a word in my favor,for she is the only person in the house who knows my secret.The others know nothing;they live under the awe caused by the name of the Prefect of Police,and their respect for the power of a Minister.Hence it is impossible for me to penetrate that heart;the citadel is mine,but I cannot get into it.I have not a single means of action.An act of violence would ruin me for ever.

"'How can I argue against reasons of which I know nothing?Should Iwrite a letter,and have it copied by a public writer,and laid before Honorine?But that would be to run the risk of a third removal.The last cost me fifty thousand francs.The purchase was made in the first instance in the name of the secretary whom you succeeded.The unhappy man,who did not know how lightly I sleep,was detected by me in the act of opening a box in which I had put the private agreement;Icoughed,and he was seized with a panic;next day I compelled him to sell the house to the man in whose name it now stands,and I turned him out.

"'If it were not that I feel all my noblest faculties as a man satisfied,happy,expansive;if the part I am playing were not that of divine fatherhood;if I did not drink in delight by every pore,there are moments when I should believe that I was a monomaniac.Sometimes at night I hear the jingling bells of madness.I dread the violent transitions from a feeble hope,which sometimes shines and flashes up,to complete despair,falling as low as man can fall.A few days since I was seriously considering the horrible end of the story of Lovelace and Clarissa Harlowe,and saying to myself,if Honorine were the mother of a child of mine,must she not necessarily return under her husband's roof?

"'And I have such complete faith in a happy future,that ten months ago I bought and paid for one of the handsomest houses in the Faubourg Saint-Honore.If I win back Honorine,I will not allow her to see this house again,nor the room from which she fled.I mean to place my idol in a new temple,where she may feel that life is altogether new.That house is being made a marvel of elegance and taste.I have been told of a poet who,being almost mad with love for an actress,bought the handsomest bed in Paris without knowing how the actress would reward his passion.Well,one of the coldest of lawyers,a man who is supposed to be the gravest adviser of the Crown,was stirred to the depths of his heart by that anecdote.The orator of the Legislative Chamber can understand the poet who fed his ideal on material possibilities.Three days before the arrival of Maria Louisa,Napoleon flung himself on his wedding bed at Compiegne.All stupendous passions have the same impulses.I love as a poet--as an emperor!'

"As I heard the last words,I believed that Count Octave's fears were realized;he had risen,and was walking up and down,and gesticulating,but he stopped as if shocked by the vehemence of his own words.

"'I am very ridiculous,'he added,after a long pause,looking at me,as if craving a glance of pity.

"'No,monsieur,you are very unhappy.'