The Choice to Learn

You don’t get to choose all the experiences you have, but you do get to choose what to do with them. You can use them as excuses, badges of honor, emotional triggers for when you want to go on a good rant or have a good cry, or bury them like skeletons, which always seem to resurface later. These choices do not help you to grow. Or you can use them as raw material for learning, harnessing the emotional energy behind them to drive you to make good use of their lessons.

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Sometimes, remarkable innovations can come from this kind of learning, as in the case of Mary Anne Ehlert. Mary Anne grew up with a sister who suffered from cerebral palsy. While other families went out for dinner and on vacations, Mary Anne’s family stayed home and took turns looking after Marcia, who required constant care. Marcia’s parents devoted their lives to her care and felt guilty that they couldn’t offer their other children a more normal upbringing.

As in any family that has a child with special needs, everyone was impacted. Mary Anne decided that if her friends couldn’t accept Marcia, they couldn’t be her friends. She learned how to control Marcia’s seizures and helped with whatever new treatments her parents had decided to try. Mary Anne was always especially close to Marcia. She credits Marcia with having taught her to say what she felt, and for teaching the whole family that “it’s about more than just stuff.” Her family always remained close, despite the strain, and her parents stayed together, beating the odds of an 85 percent divorce rate for parents of children with special needs.

After a 20-year career in banking, which she left when her position required her to lay off 1,500 people in two days, Mary Anne decided to become a financial advisor with a specialty in retirement and estate planning. It was in this context that she asked her parents how they had provided for Marcia. She discovered their greatest fear was that if something were to happen to them, her sister would be left alone. Mary Anne began to look for solutions for them and quickly realized that the need went far beyond her own family. Initially drawing on her experience in the world of financial products, she began to seek out innovative solutions that would protect her sister and restore her parents’ confidence and sense of control. From her experience with Marcia, Mary Anne had a unique understanding of the kinds of things families like hers faced and where the potential dangers lay—issues that started with, but went far beyond, financial planning.

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Soon, she and her team were providing the Process for Protected Tomorrows, which encompasses a whole array of services that address the needs of the family and the child with disabilities on many different levels. Because of her personal experience, she is able to speak very candidly to families in this situation, cutting through the denial that is so common, and providing support with genuine empathy and a depth of insight and understanding that would be difficult for someone who hadn’t been in their shoes. The Process for Protected Tomorrows continues to evolve as Mary Anne and her team seek out new ways to improve the lives and prospects of the families she deals with.

While some people might have dealt with a childhood like Mary Anne’s by trying to “get over it” and “move on,” Mary Anne chose to use the experience to create something extraordinary. By using her understanding of what worked (the love, the devotion, and the learning that Marcia brought to their lives) and what didn’t work (the stress, fear, uncertainty, and sacrifice) in her family, she was able to develop solutions to improve the experiences of other families dealing with special needs. She is making a powerful contribution where there is a great need, and in the process she has also created a unique, thriving business with limitless growth potential.

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Your own experience is rich with learning opportunities that you will see if you’re looking for them. Transform your experiences into lessons and you’ll never feel world-weary or disadvantaged by your past. Instead, each lesson will provide the foundation for better experiences in the future.