第45章
How can we bring ourselves to do that which will deprive the Court of Chancery of one of its most attractive features?"LORD CH.I feel the force of your remarks, but I am here in two capacities, and they clash, my Lords, they clash! I deeply grieve to say that in declining to entertain my last application to myself, I presumed to address myself in terms which render it impossible for me ever to apply to myself again.It was a most painful scene, my Lords--most painful!
LORD TOLL.This is what it is to have two capacities! Let us be thankful that we are persons of no capacity whatever.
LORD MOUNT.Come, come.Remember you are a very just and kindly old gentleman, and you need have no hesitation in approaching yourself, so that you do so respectfully and with a proper show of deference.
LORD CH.Do you really think so?
LORD MOUNT.I do.
LORD CH.Well, I will nerve myself to another effort, and, if that fails, I resign myself to my fate!
TRIO--LORD CHANCELLOR, LORDS MOUNTARARAT and TOLLOLLER.
LORD MOUNT.If you go in You're sure to win--Yours will be the charming maidie:
Be your law The ancient saw, "Faint heart never won fair lady!"ALL.Never, never, never, Faint heart never won fair lady!
Every journey has an end--
When at the worst affairs will mend--
Dark the dawn when day is nigh--
Hustle your horse and don't say die!
LORD TOLL.He who shies At such a prize Is not worth a maravedi, Be so kind To bear in mind--Faint heart never won fair lady!
ALL.Never, never, never, Faint heart never won fair lady!
While the sun shines make your hay--
Where a will is, there's a way--
Beard the lion in his lair--
None but the brave deserve the fair!
LORD CH.I'll take heart And make a start--Though I fear the prospect's shady--Much I'd spend To gain my end--
Faint heart never won fair lady!
ALL.Never, never, never, Faint heart never won fair lady!
Nothing venture, nothing win--
Blood is thick, but water's thin--
In for a penny, in for a pound--
It's Love that makes the world go round!
(Dance, and exeunt arm-in-arm together.)(Enter Strephon, in very low spirits.)
[The following song was deleted from production]
Fold your flapping wings, Soaring legislature.
Stoop to little things, Stoop to human nature.
Never need to roam members patriotic.
Let's begin at home, Crime is no exotic.
Bitter is your bane Terrible your trials Dingy Drury Lane Soapless Seven Dials.
Take a tipsy lout Gathered from the gutter, Hustle him about, Strap him to a shutter.
What am I but he, Washed at hours stated.
Fed on filagree, Clothed and educated He's a mark of scorn I might be another If I had been born Of a tipsy mother.
Take a wretched thief, Through the city sneaking.
Pocket handkerchief Ever, ever seeking.
What is he but I
Robbed of all my chances Picking pockets by force of circumstances I might be as bad, As unlucky, rather, If I'd only had, Fagin for a father.
STREPH.I suppose one ought to enjoy oneself in Parliament, when one leads both Parties, as I do! But I'm miserable, poor, broken-hearted fool that I am! Oh Phyllis, Phyllis!--(Enter Phyllis.)PHYL.Yes.
STREPH.(surprised).Phyllis! But I suppose I should say "My Lady." I have not yet been informed which title your ladyship has pleased to select?
PHYL.I--I haven't quite decided.You see, I have no mother to advise me!
STREPH.No.I have.
PHYL.Yes; a young mother.
STREPH.Not very--a couple of centuries or so.
PHYL.Oh! She wears well.
STREPH.She does.She's a fairy.
PHYL.I beg your pardon--a what?
STREPH.Oh, I've no longer any reason to conceal the fact--she's a fairy.
PHYL.A fairy! Well, but--that would account for a good many things! Then--I suppose you're a fairy?
STREPH.I'm half a fairy.
PHYL.Which half?
STREPH.The upper half--down to the waistcoat.
PHYL.Dear me! (Prodding him with her fingers.) There is nothing to show it!
STREPH.Don't do that.
PHYL.But why didn't you tell me this before?
STREPH.I thought you would take a dislike to me.But as it's all off, you may as well know the truth--I'm only half a mortal!
PHYL.(crying).But I'd rather have half a mortal I do love, than half a dozen I don't!
STREPH.Oh, I think not--go to your half-dozen.
PHYL.(crying).It's only two! and I hate 'em! Please forgive me!
STREPH.I don't think I ought to.Besides, all sorts of difficulties will arise.You know, my grandmother looks quite as young as my mother.So do all my aunts.
PHYL.I quite understand.Whenever I see you kissing a very young lady, I shall know it's an elderly relative.
STREPH.You will? Then, Phyllis, I think we shall be very happy! (Embracing her.)PHYL.We won't wait long.
STREPH.No.We might change our minds.We'll get married first.
PHYL.And change our minds afterwards?
STREPH.That's the usual course.
DUET--STREPHON and PHYLLIS.
STREPH.If we're weak enough to tarry Ere we marry, You and I, Of the feeling I inspire You may tire By and by.
For peers with flowing coffers Press their offers--That is why I am sure we should not tarry Ere we marry, You and I!
PHYL.If we're weak enough to tarry Ere we marry, You and I, With a more attractive maiden, Jewel-laden, You may fly.
If by chance we should be parted, Broken-hearted I should die--So I think we will not tarry Ere we marry, You and I.
PHYL.But does your mother know you're--I mean, is she aware of our engagement?
(Enter Iolanthe.)
IOL.She is; and thus she welcomes her daughter-in-law!
(Kisses her.)
PHYL.She kisses just like other people! But the Lord Chancellor?
STREPH.I forgot him! Mother, none can resist your fairy eloquence; you will go to him and plead for us?
IOL.(much agitated).No, no; impossible!
STREPH.But our happiness--our very lives--depend upon our obtaining his consent!
PHYL.Oh, madam, you cannot refuse to do this!
IOL.You know not what you ask! The Lord Chancellor is--my husband!
STREPH.and PHYL.Your husband!
IOL.My husband and your father! (Addressing Strephon, who is much moved.)PHYLL.Then our course is plain; on his learning that Strephon is his son, all objection to our marriage will be at once removed!