第38章

I prithee discover, Steal, purchase, or borrow Some means of concealing The care you are feeling, And join in a measure Expressive of pleasure, For we're to be married to-day--to-day!

Yes, we're to be married to-day!

BOTH.Yes, we're to be married, etc.

STREPH.(embracing her).My Phyllis! And to-day we are to be made happy for ever.

PHYL.Well, we're to be married.

STREPH.It's the same thing.

PHYL.I suppose it is.But oh, Strephon, I tremble at the step I'm taking! I believe it's penal servitude for life to marry a Ward of Court without the Lord Chancellor's consent! I shall be of age in two years.Don't you think you could wait two years?

STREPH.Two years.Have you ever looked in the glass?

PHYL.No, never.

STREPH.Here, look at that (showing her a pocket mirror), and tell me if you think it rational to expect me to wait two years?

PHYL.(looking at herself).No.You're quite right--it's asking too much.One must be reasonable.

STREPH.Besides, who knows what will happen in two years?

Why, you might fall in love with the Lord Chancellor himself by that time!

PHYL.Yes.He's a clean old gentleman.

STREPH.As it is, half the House of Lords are sighing at your feet.

PHYL.The House of Lords are certainly extremely attentive.

STREPH.Attentive? I should think they were! Why did five-and-twenty Liberal Peers come down to shoot over your grass-plot last autumn? It couldn't have been the sparrows.Why did five-and-twenty Conservative Peers come down to fish your pond?

Don't tell me it was the gold-fish! No, no--delays are dangerous, and if we are to marry, the sooner the better.

DUET--STREPHON and PHYLLIS.

PHYLLIS.None shall part us from each other, One in life and death are we:

All in all to one another--

I to thee and thou to me!

BOTH.Thou the tree and I the flower--Thou the idol; I the throng--Thou the day and I the hour--

Thou the singer; I the song!

STREPH.All in all since that fond meeting When, in joy, I woke to find Mine the heart within thee beating, Mine the love that heart enshrined!

BOTH.Thou the stream and I the willow--Thou the sculptor; I the clay--Thou the Ocean; I the billow--

Thou the sunrise; I the day!

(Exeunt Strephon and Phyllis together.)

(March.Enter Procession of Peers.)

CHORUS.

Loudly let the trumpet bray!

Tantantara!

Proudly bang the sounding brasses!

Tzing! Boom!

As upon its lordly way This unique procession passes, Tantantara! Tzing! Boom!

Bow, bow, ye lower middle classes!

Bow, bow, ye tradesmen, bow, ye masses!

Blow the trumpets, bang the brasses!

Tantantara! Tzing! Boom!

We are peers of highest station, Paragons of legislation, Pillars of the British nation!

Tantantara! Tzing! Boom!

(Enter the Lord Chancellor, followed by his train-bearer.)SONG--LORD CHANCELLOR.

The Law is the true embodiment Of everything that's excellent.

It has no kind of fault or flaw, And I, my Lords, embody the Law.

The constitutional guardian I

Of pretty young Wards in Chancery, All very agreeable girls--and none Are over the age of twenty-one.

A pleasant occupation for A rather susceptible Chancellor!

ALL.A pleasant, etc.

But though the compliment implied Inflates me with legitimate pride, It nevertheless can't be denied That it has its inconvenient side.

For I'm not so old, and not so plain, And I'm quite prepared to marry again, But there'd be the deuce to pay in the Lords If I fell in love with one of my Wards!

Which rather tries my temper, for I'm such a susceptible Chancellor!

ALL.Which rather, etc.

And every one who'd marry a Ward Must come to me for my accord, And in my court I sit all day, Giving agreeable girls away, With one for him--and one for he--And one for you--and one for ye--And one for thou--and one for thee--

But never, oh, never a one for me!

Which is exasperating for A highly susceptible Chancellor!

ALL.Which is, etc.

(Enter Lord Tolloller.)

LORD TOLL.And now, my Lords, to the business of the day.

LORD CH.By all means.Phyllis, who is a Ward of Court, has so powerfully affected your Lordships, that you have appealed to me in a body to give her to whichever one of you she may think proper to select, and a noble Lord has just gone to her cottage to request her immediate attendance.It would be idle to deny that I, myself, have the misfortune to be singularly attracted by this young person.My regard for her is rapidly undermining my constitution.

Three months ago I was a stout man.I need say no more.If Icould reconcile it with my duty, I should unhesitatingly award her to myself, for I can conscientiously say that I know no man who is so well fitted to render her exceptionally happy.(Peers: Hear, hear!) But such an award would be open to misconstruction, and therefore, at whatever personal inconvenience, I waive my claim.

LORD TOLL.My Lord, I desire, on the part of this House, to express its sincere sympathy with your Lordship's most painful position.

LORD CH.I thank your Lordships.The feelings of a Lord Chancellor who is in love with a Ward of Court are not to be envied.What is his position? Can he give his own consent to his own marriage with his own Ward? Can he marry his own Ward without his own consent? And if he marries his own Ward without his own consent, can he commit himself for contempt of his own Court? And if he commit himself for contempt of his own Court, can he appear by counsel before himself, to move for arrest of his own judgement?

Ah, my Lords, it is indeed painful to have to sit upon a woolsack which is stuffed with such thorns as these!

(Enter Lord Mountararat.)

LORD MOUNT.My Lord, I have much pleasure in announcing that I have succeeded in inducing the young person to present herself at the Bar of this House.

(Enter Phyllis.)

RECITATIVE--PHYLLIS.

My well-loved Lord and Guardian dear, You summoned me, and I am here!

CHORUS OF PEERS.

Oh, rapture, how beautiful!

How gentle--how dutiful!

SOLO--LORD TOLLOLLER.

Of all the young ladies I know This pretty young lady's the fairest;Her lips have the rosiest show, Her eyes are the richest and rarest.