第28章

Away to the wedding we'll go To summon the charioteers, No kind of reluctance we show To embark on our married careers--(At this moment RUDOLPH, ERNEST, and NOTARY appear.

All kneel in astonishment.)

RECITATIVE.

RUD., Ern., and NOT.

Forbear! This may not be!

Frustrated are your plans!

With paramount decree The Law forbids the banns!

ALL.The Law forbids the banns!

LUD.Not a bit of it! I've revived the law for another century!

RUD.You didn't revive it! You couldn't revive it!

You--you are an impostor, sir--a tuppenny rogue, sir! You--you never were, and in all human probability never will be--Grand Duke of Pfennig Anything!

ALL.What!!!

RUD.Never--never, never! (Aside.) Oh, my internal economy!

LUD.That's absurd, you know.I fought the Grand Duke.

He drew a King, and I drew an Ace.He perished in inconceivable agonies on the spot.Now, as that's settled, we'll go on with the wedding.

RUD.It--it isn't settled.You--you can't.I--I--(to NOTARY).Oh, tell him--tell him! I can't!

NOT.Well, the fact is, there's been a little mistake here.

On reference to the Act that regulates Statutory Duels, I find it is expressly laid down that the Ace shall count invariably as lowest!

ALL.As lowest!

RUD.(breathlessly).As lowest--lowest--lowest! So you're the ghoest--ghoest--ghoest! (Aside.) Oh, what is the matter with me inside here!

ERN.Well, Julia, as it seems that the law hasn't been revived--and as, consequently, I shall come to life in about three minutes--(consulting his watch)--JULIA.My objection falls to the ground.(Resignedly.)Very well!

PRINCESS.And am I to understand that I was on the point of marrying a dead man without knowing it? (To RUDOLPH, who revives.) Oh, my love, what a narrow escape I've had!

RUD.Oh--you are the Princess of Monte Carlo, and you've turned up just in time! Well, you're an attractive little girl, you know, but you're as poor as a rat! (They retire up together.)LISA.That's all very well, but what is to become of me?

(To LUDWIG.) If you're a dead man--(Clock strikes three.)LUD.But I'm not.Time's up--the Act has expired--I've come to life--the parson is still in attendance, and we'll all be married directly.

ALL.Hurrah!

FINALE.

Happy couples, lightly treading, Castle chapel will be quite full!

Each shall have a pretty wedding, As, of course, is only rightful, Though the brides be fair or frightful.

Contradiction little dreading, This will be a day delightful--Each shall have a pretty wedding!

Such a pretty, pretty wedding!

Such a pretty wedding!

(All dance off to get married as the curtain falls.)THE ENDH.M.S.PINAFORE

OR, THE LASS THAT LOVED A SAILOR

Libretto by William S.Gilbert Music by Sir Arthur Sullivan DRAMATIS PERSONAETHE RT.HON SIR JOSEPH PORTER, K.C.B.(First Lord of the Admiralty).

CAPTAIN CORCORAN (Commanding H.M.S.Pinafore).

TOM TUCKER (Midshipmite).

RALPH RAKESTRAW (Able Seaman).

DICK DEADEYE (Able Seaman).

BILL BOBSTAY (Boatswain's Mate).

BOB BECKET (Carpenter's Mate).

JOSEPHINE (the Captain's Daughter).

HEBE (Sir Joseph Porter's First Cousin).

MRS.CRIPPS (LITTLE BUTTERCUP) (A Portsmouth Bumboat Woman).

First Lord's Sisters, his Cousins, his Aunts, Sailors, Marines, etc.

Scene: QUARTER-DECK OF H.M.S.PINAFORE, OFF PORTSMOUTHACT I.--Noon.ACT II.--NightFirst produced at the Opera Comique on May 25, 1878.

ACT I

SCENE--Quarter-deck of H.M.S.Pinafore.Sailors, led by BOATSWAIN, discovered cleaning brasswork, splicing rope, etc.

CHORUS

We sail the ocean blue, And our saucy ship's a beauty;We're sober men and true, And attentive to our duty.

When the balls whistle free O'er the bright blue sea, We stand to our guns all day;When at anchor we ride On the Portsmouth tide, We have plenty of time to play.

Enter LITTLE BUTTERCUP, with large basket on her armRECITATIVEHail, men-o'-war's men-safeguards of your nation Here is an end, at last, of all privation;You've got your play--spare all you can afford To welcome Little Buttercup on board.

ARIA

For I'm called Little Buttercup--dear Little Buttercup, Though I could never tell why, But still I'm called Buttercup--poor little Buttercup, Sweet Little Buttercup I!

I've snuff and tobaccy, and excellent jacky, I've scissors, and watches, and knives I've ribbons and laces to set off the faces Of pretty young sweethearts and wives.

I've treacle and toffee, I've tea and I've coffee, Soft tommy and succulent chops;I've chickens and conies, and pretty polonies, And excellent peppermint drops.

Then buy of your Buttercup--dear Little Buttercup;Sailors should never be shy;So, buy of your Buttercup--poor Little Buttercup;Come, of your Buttercup buy!

BOAT.Aye, Little Buttercup--and well called--for you're the rosiest, the roundest, and the reddest beauty in all Spithead.

BUT.Red, am I? and round--and rosy! Maybe, for I have dissembled well!

But hark ye, my merry friend--hast ever thought that beneath a gay and frivolous exterior there may lurk a canker-worm which is slowly but surely eating its way into one's very heart?

BOAT.No, my lass, I can't say I've ever thought that.

Enter DICK DEADEYE.He pushes through sailors, and comes downDICK.I have thought it often.(All recoil from him.)BUT.Yes, you look like it! What's the matter with the man?

Isn't he well?

BOAT.Don't take no heed of him; that's only poor Dick Deadeye.

DICK.I say--it's a beast of a name, ain't it--Dick Deadeye?

BUT.It's not a nice name.

DICK.I'm ugly too, ain't I?

BUT.You are certainly plain.

DICK.And I'm three-cornered too, ain't I?

BUT.You are rather triangular.

DICK.Ha! ha! That's it.I'm ugly, and they hate me for it; for you all hate me, don't you?

ALL.We do!

DICK.There!

BOAT.Well, Dick, we wouldn't go for to hurt any fellow creature's feelings, but you can't expect a chap with such a name as Dick Deadeye to be a popular character--now can you?

DICK.No.

BOAT.It's asking too much, ain't it?