第18章

[Dance and exeunt LUDWIG, ERNEST, and NOTARY with the two Girls.

March.Enter the seven Chamberlains of the GRAND DUKE RUDOLPH.

CHORUS OF CHAMBERLAINS.

The good Grand Duke of Pfennig Halbpfennig, Though, in his own opinion, very very big, In point of fact he's nothing but a miserable prig Is the good Grand Duke of Pfennig Halbpfennig!

Though quite contemptible, as every one agrees, We must dissemble if we want our bread and cheese, So hail him in a chorus, with enthusiasm big, The good Grand Duke of Pfennig Halbpfennig!

Enter the GRAND DUKE RUDOLPH.He is meanly and miserably dressed in old and patched clothes, but blazes with a profusion of orders and decorations.He is very weak and ill, from low living.

SONG--RUDOLPH.

A pattern to professors of monarchical autonomy, I don't indulge in levity or compromising bonhomie, But dignified formality, consistent with economy, Above all other virtues I particularly prize.

I never join in merriment--I don't see joke or jape any--I never tolerate familiarity in shape any--This, joined with an extravagant respect for tuppence-ha'penny, A keynote to my character sufficiently supplies.

(Speaking.) Observe.(To Chamberlains.) My snuff-box!

(The snuff-box is passed with much ceremony from the Junior Chamberlain, through all the others, until it is presented by the Senior Chamberlain to RUDOLPH, who uses it.)That incident a keynote to my character supplies.

RUD.I weigh out tea and sugar with precision mathematical--Instead of beer, a penny each--my orders are emphatical--(Extravagance unpardonable, any more than that I call), But, on the other hand, my Ducal dignity to keep--All Courtly ceremonial--to put it comprehensively--I rigidly insist upon (but not, I hope, offensively)Whenever ceremonial can be practised inexpensively--And, when you come to think of it, it's really very cheap!

(Speaking.) Observe.(To Chamberlains.) My handkerchief!

(Handkerchief is handed by Junior Chamberlain to the next in order, and so on until it reaches RUDOLPH, who is much inconvenienced by the delay.)It's sometimes inconvenient, but it's always very cheap!

RUD.My Lord Chamberlain, as you are aware, my marriage with the wealthy Baroness von Krakenfeldt will take place to-morrow, and you will be good enough to see that the rejoicings are on a scale of unusual liberality.Pass that on.(Chamberlain whispers to Vice-Chamberlain, who whispers to the next, and so on.) The sports will begin with a Wedding Breakfast Bee.The leading pastry-cooks of the town will be invited to compete, and the winner will not only enjoy the satisfaction of seeing his breakfast devoured by the Grand Ducal pair, but he will also be entitled to have the Arms of Pfennig Halbpfennig tattoo'd between his shoulder-blades.The Vice-Chamberlain will see to this.All the public fountains of Speisesaal will run with Gingerbierheim and Currantweinmilch at the public expense.The Assistant Vice-Chamberlain will see to this.At night, everybody will illuminate; and as I have no desire to tax the public funds unduly, this will be done at the inhabitants' private expense.

The Deputy Assistant Vice-Chamberlain will see to this.All my Grand Ducal subjects will wear new clothes, and the Sub-Deputy Assistant Vice-Chamberlain will collect the usual commission on all sales.Wedding presents (which, on this occasion, should be on a scale of extraordinary magnificence) will be received at the Palace at any hour of the twenty-four, and the Temporary Sub-Deputy Assistant Vice-Chamberlain will sit up all night for this purpose.The entire population will be commanded to enjoy themselves, and with this view the Acting Temporary Sub-Deputy Assistant Vice-Chamberlain will sing comic songs in the Market-place from noon to nightfall.Finally, we have composed a Wedding Anthem, with which the entire population are required to provide themselves.It can be obtained from our Grand Ducal publishers at the usual discount price, and all the Chamberlains will be expected to push the sale.(Chamberlains bow and exeunt).I don't feel at all comfortable.I hope I'm not doing a foolish thing in getting married.After all, it's a poor heart that never rejoices, and this wedding of mine is the first little treat I've allowed myself since my christening.Besides, Caroline's income is very considerable, and as her ideas of economy are quite on a par with mine, it ought to turn out well.

Bless her tough old heart, she's a mean little darling! Oh, here she is, punctual to her appointment!

Enter BARONESS VON KRAKENFELDT.

BAR.Rudolph! Why, what's the matter?

RUD.Why, I'm not quite myself, my pet.I'm a little worried and upset.I want a tonic.It's the low diet, I think.

I am afraid, after all, I shall have to take the bull by the horns and have an egg with my breakfast.

BAR.I shouldn't do anything rash, dear.Begin with a jujube.(Gives him one.)RUD.(about to eat it, but changes his mind).I'll keep it for supper.(He sits by her and tries to put his arm round her waist.)BAR.Rudolph, don't! What in the world are you thinking of?

RUD.I was thinking of embracing you, my sugarplum.Just as a little cheap treat.

BAR.What, here? In public? Really, you appear to have no sense of delicacy.

RUD.No sense of delicacy, Bon-bon!

BAR.No.I can't make you out.When you courted me, all your courting was done publicly in the Marketplace.When you proposed to me, you proposed in the Market-place.And now that we're engaged you seem to desire that our first tte-occur in the Marketplace! Surely you've a room in your Palace--with blinds--that would do?

RUD.But, my own, I can't help myself.I'm bound by my own decree.

BAR.Your own decree?