第51章

"No," continued Joe, pouring out the wine; you 'aven't got the brass in times like these.I dare say you've noticed, sir, that the times is favourable for bringing out the spots on the body politic.'Ere's 'ealth!""Joe," said Mr.Lavender, raising the glass to his lips with solemnity, "I wish you a most happy and prosperous life.Let us drink to all those qualities which make you par excellence one of that great race, the best hearted in the world, which never thinks of to-morrow, never knows when it is beaten, and seldom loses its sense of humour.

"Ah!" returned Joe enigmatically, half-closing one of his greenish eyes, and laying the glass to one side of his reddish nose.Then, with a quick movement, he swallowed its contents and refilled it before Mr.Lavender had succeeded in absorbing more than a drop.

"I don't say," he continued, "but what there's a class o' public man that's got its uses, like the little 'un that keeps us all alive, or the perfect English gentleman what did his job, and told nobody nothin' abaht it.You can 'ave confidence in a man like that----that's why 'e's gone an' retired; 'e's civilized, you see, the finished article; but all this raw material, this 'get-on' or 'get-out' lot, that's come from 'oo knows where, well, I wish they'd stayed there with their tell-you-how-to-do-it and their 'ymns of 'ate.""Joe," said Mr.Lavender, "are you certain that therein does not speak the snob inherent in the national bosom? Are you not unconsciously paying deference to the word gentleman?""Why not, sir?" replied Joe, tossing off his second glass."It'd be a fine thing for the country if we was all gentlemen--straight, an' a little bit stupid, and 'ad 'alf a thought for others." And he refilled his master's glass."I don't measure a gentleman by 'is money, or 'is title, not even by 'is clothes--I measure 'im by whether he can stand 'avin' power in 'is 'ands without gettin' unscrupled or swollen 'eaded, an' whether 'e can do what he thinks right without payin' attention, to clamour.But, mind you, 'e's got to 'ave right thoughts too, and a feelin' 'eart.'Ere's luck, sir.

Mr.Lavender, who, absorbed in his chauffeur's sentiments, had now drunk two glasses, rose from his, chair, and clutching his hair said: "I will not conceal from you, Joe, that I have always assumed every public man came up to that standard, at least.""Crikey said Joe.'Ave you really, sir? My Gawd! Got any use for the rest of this bottle?""No, Joe, no.I shall never have use for a bottle again.""In that case I might as well," said Joe, pouring what remained into a tumbler and drinking it off."Is there any other topic you'd like to mention? If I can 'ave any influence on you, I shall be very glad.""Thank you, Joe," returned Mr.Lavender, "what I have most need of at this moment is solitude and your good wishes.And will you kindly take Blink away, and when she has had her run, place her in my bedroom, with the window closed.Good-night, Joe.Call me late tomorrow morning.

"Certainly, sir.Good-night, sir."

"Good-night, Joe.Shake hands."

When Joe was gone, accompanied by the unwilling Blink, turning her beautiful dark eyes back to the last, Mr.Lavender sat down at his bureau, and drawing a sheet of paper to him, wrote at the top of it.

"My last Will and Testament."

It was a long time before he got further, and then entirely omitted to leave anything in it, completely preoccupied by the preamble, which gradually ran as follows:

"I, John Lavender, make known to all men by these presents that the act which I contemplate is symbolical, and must in no sense be taken as implying either weariness of life or that surrender to misfortune which is unbecoming to an English public gentleman." (Over this description of himself Mr.Lavender was obliged to pause some time hovering between the two designations, and finally combining them as the only way out of his difficulty.) "Long and painful experience has convinced me that only by retiring from the former can I retain the latter character, and only by retiring from both can I point the moral ever demanded by my countrymen.Conscious, indeed, that a mere act of private resignation would have no significance to the body politic, nor any deflecting influence on the national life, Ihave chosen rather to disappear in blue flame, so that every Englishman may take to heart my lesson, and learn from my strange fate how to be himself uninfluenced by the verbiage of others.At the same time, with the utmost generosity, I wish to acknowledge in full my debt towards all those great writers and speakers on the war who have exercised so intoxicating an influence on my mind." (Here followed an alphabetical list of names beginning with B and ending with S.)"I wish to be dissociated firmly from the views of my chauffeur Joe Petty, and to go to my last account with an emphatic assertion that my failure to become a perfect public gentleman is due to private idiosyncrasies rather than to any conviction that it is impossible, or to anything but admiration of the great men I have mentioned.If anybody should wish to paint me after I am dead, I desire that I may he represented with my face turned towards the Dawn; for it is at that moment so symptomatic of a deep adoration--which I would scorn to make the common property of gossiping tongues--that I intend to depart.If there should be anything left of me--which is less than probable considering the inflammatory character of the material Idesign for my pyre--I would be obliged if, without giving anybody any trouble, it could be buried in my garden, with the usual Hampstead tablet.

"'JOHN LAVENDER, THE PUBLIC MAN, WHO DIED FOR HISCOUNTRY'S GOOD, LIVED HERE.'