第134章

"Hello,Hugh,"he said,"come and sit down.I hear your wife's gone abroad.""Yes,"I answered,"she thought she'd try it instead of the South Shore this summer."Perhaps I imagined that he looked at me queerly.I had made a great deal of money out of my association with Grierson,I had valued very highly being an important member of the group to which he belonged;but to-night,as I watched him eating and drinking greedily,I hated him even as I hated myself.And after dinner,when he started talking with a ridicule that was a thinly disguised bitterness about the Citizens Union and their preparations for a campaign I left him and went to bed.

Before a week had passed my painful emotions had largely subsided,and with my accustomed resiliency I had regained the feeling of self-respect so essential to my happiness.I was free.My only anxiety was for Nancy,who had gone to New York the day after my last talk with her;and it was only by telephoning to her house that I discovered when she was expected to return....I found her sitting beside one of the open French windows of her salon,gazing across at the wooded hills beyond the Ashuela.She was serious,a little pale;more exquisite,more desirable than ever;but her manner implied the pressure of control,and her voice was not quite steady as she greeted me.

"You've been away a long time,"I said.

"The dressmakers,"she answered.Her colour rose a little."I thought they'd never get through.""But why didn't you drop me a line,let me know when you were coming?"Iasked,taking a chair beside her,and laying my hand on hers.She drew it gently away.

"What's the matter?"I asked.

"I've been thinking it all over--what we're doing.It doesn't seem right,it seems terribly wrong.""But I thought we'd gone over all that,"I replied,as patiently as Icould."You're putting it on an old-fashioned,moral basis.""But there must be same basis,"she urged."There are responsibilities,obligations--there must be!--that we can't get away from.I can't help feeling that we ought to stand by our mistakes,and by our bargains;we made a choice--it's cheating,somehow,and if we take this--what we want--we shall be punished for it.""But I'm willing to be punished,to suffer,as I told you.If you loved me--""Hugh!"she exclaimed,and I was silent."You don't understand,"she went on,a little breathlessly,"what I mean by punishment is deterioration.Do you remember once,long ago,when you came to me before I was married,I said we'd both run after false gods,and that we couldn't do without them?Well,and now this has come;it seems so wonderful to me,coming again like that after we had passed it by,after we thought it had gone forever;it's opened up visions for me that Inever hoped to see again.It ought to restore us,dear--that's what I'm trying to say--to redeem us,to make us capable of being what we were meant to be.If it doesn't do that,if it isn't doing so,it's the most horrible of travesties,of mockeries.If we gain life only to have it turn into death--slow death;if we go to pieces again,utterly.

For now there's hope.The more I think,the more clearly I see that we can't take any step without responsibilities.If we take this,you'll have me,and I'll have you.And if we don't save each other--""But we will,"I said.

"Ah,"she exclaimed,"if we could start new,without any past.I married Ham with my eyes open.""You couldn't know that he would become--well,as flagrant as he is.You didn't really know what he was then.""There's no reason why I shouldn't have anticipated it.I can't claim that I was deceived,that I thought my marriage was made in heaven.Ientered into a contract,and Ham has kept his part of it fairly well.He hasn't interfered with my freedom.That isn't putting it on a high plane,but there is an obligation involved.You yourself,in your law practice,are always insisting upon the sacredness of contract as the very basis of our civilization."Here indeed would have been a home thrust,had I been vulnerable at the time.So intent was I on overcoming her objections,that I resorted unwittingly to the modern argument I had more than once declared in court to be anathema-the argument of the new reform in reference to the common law and the constitution.

"A contract,no matter how seriously entered into at the time it was made,that later is seen to violate the principles of humanity should be void.And not only this,but you didn't consent that he should disgrace you."Nancy winced.

"I never told you that he paid my father's debts,I never told anyone,"she said,in a low voice.

"Even then,"I answered after a moment,"you ought to see that it's too terrible a price to pay for your happiness.And Ham hasn't ever pretended to consider you in any way.It's certain you didn't agree that he should do--what he is doing.""Suppose I admitted it,"she said,"there remain Maude and your children.

Their happiness,their future becomes my responsibility as well as yours.""But I don't love Maude,and Maude doesn't love me.I grant it's my fault,that I did her a wrong in marrying her,but she is right in leaving me.I should be doing her a double wrong.And the children will be happy with her,they will be well brought up.I,too,have thought this out,Nancy,"I insisted,"and the fact is that in our respective marriages we have been,each of us,victims of our time,of our education.We were born in a period of transition,we inherited views of life that do not fit conditions to-day.It takes courage to achieve happiness,initiative to emancipate one's self from a morality that begins to hamper and bind.To stay as we are,to refuse to take what is offered us,is to remain between wind and water.I don't mean that we should do anything--hastily.We can afford to take a reasonable time,to be dignified about it.But I have come to the conclusion that the only thing that matters in the world is a love like ours,and its fulfilment.