第28章 ALICIA'S DIARY(3)

I don't like the sound of haemorrhage at all in a woman of her full habit,and Caroline and the Marlets have not exaggerated their accounts I am certain.On the receipt of the letter my father instantly decided to go to her,and I have been occupied all day in getting him off,for as he calculates on being absent several days,there have been many matters for him to arrange before setting out--the chief being to find some one who will do duty for him next Sunday--a quest of no small difficulty at such short notice;but at last poor old feeble Mr.Dugdale has agreed to attempt it,with Mr.

Highman,the Scripture reader,to assist him in the lessons.

I fain would have gone with my father to escape the irksome anxiety of awaiting her;but somebody had to stay,and I could best be spared.George has driven him to the station to meet the last train by which he will catch the midnight boat,and reach Havre some time in the morning.He hates the sea,and a night passage in particular.

I hope he will get there without mishap of any kind;but I feel anxious for him,stay-at-home as he is,and unable to cope with any difficulty.Such an errand,too;the journey will be sad enough at best.I almost think I ought to have been the one to go to her.

August 21.--I nearly fell asleep of heaviness of spirit last night over my writing.My father must have reached Paris by this time;and now here comes a letter ...

Later.--The letter was to express an earnest hope that my father had set out.My poor mother is sinking,they fear.What will become of Caroline?O,how I wish I could see mother;why could not both have gone?

Later.--I get up from my chair,and walk from window to window,and then come and write a line.I cannot even divine how poor Caroline's marriage is to be carried out if mother dies.I pray that father may have got there in time to talk to her and receive some directions from her about Caroline and M.de la Feste--a man whom neither my father nor I have seen.I,who might be useful in this emergency,am doomed to stay here,waiting in suspense.

August 23.--A letter from my father containing the sad news that my mother's spirit has flown.Poor little Caroline is heart-broken--she was always more my mother's pet than I was.It is some comfort to know that my father arrived in time to hear from her own lips her strongly expressed wish that Caroline's marriage should be solemnized as soon as possible.M.de la Feste seems to have been a great favourite of my dear mother's;and I suppose it now becomes almost a sacred duty of my father to accept him as a son-in-law without criticism.

CHAPTER III.--HER GLOOM LIGHTENS A LITTLESeptember 10.--I have inserted nothing in my diary for more than a fortnight.Events have been altogether too sad for me to have the spirit to put them on paper.And yet there comes a time when the act of recording one's trouble is recognized as a welcome method of dwelling upon it ...

My dear mother has been brought home and buried here in the parish.

It was not so much her own wish that this should be done as my father's,who particularly desired that she should lie in the family vault beside his first wife.I saw them side by side before the vault was closed--two women beloved by one man.As I stood,and Caroline by my side,I fell into a sort of dream,and had an odd fancy that Caroline and I might be also beloved of one,and lie like these together--an impossibility,of course,being sisters.When Iawoke from my reverie Caroline took my hand and said it was time to leave.

September 14.--The wedding is indefinitely postponed.Caroline is like a girl awakening in the middle of a somnambulistic experience,and does not realize where she is,or how she stands.She walks about silently,and I cannot tell her thoughts,as I used to do.It was her own doing to write to M.de la Feste and tell him that the wedding could not possibly take place this autumn as originally planned.There is something depressing in this long postponement if she is to marry him at all;and yet I do not see how it could be avoided.

October 20.--I have had so much to occupy me in consoling Caroline that I have been continually overlooking my diary.Her life was much nearer to my mother's than mine was.She has never,as I,lived away from home long enough to become self-dependent,and hence in her first loss,and all that it involved,she drooped like a rain-beaten lily.But she is of a nature whose wounds soon heal,even though they may be deep,and the supreme poignancy of her sorrow has already passed.

My father is of opinion that the wedding should not be delayed too long.While at Versailles he made the acquaintance of M.de la Feste,and though they had but a short and hurried communion with each other,he was much impressed by M.de la Feste's disposition and conduct,and is strongly in favour of his suit.It is odd that Caroline's betrothed should influence in his favour all who come near him.His portrait,which dear Caroline has shown me,exhibits him to be of a physique that partly accounts for this:but there must be something more than mere appearance,and it is probably some sort of glamour or fascinating power--the quality which prevented Caroline from describing him to me with any accuracy of detail.At the same time,I see from the photograph that his face and head are remarkably well formed;and though the contours of his mouth are hidden by his moustache,his arched brows show well the romantic disposition of a true lover and painter of Nature.I think that the owner of such a face as this must be tender and sympathetic and true.