第67章 CHAPTER II.(2)

Gelfhardt, my honest grenadier, had infused fresh hope, and my mind now busily began to meditate new plans. A sentinel was placed before my door, that I might be more narrowly watched, and the married men of the Prussian states were appointed to this duty, who, as I will hereafter show, were more easy to persuade in aiding my flight than foreign fugitives. The Pomeranian will listen, and is by nature kind, therefore may easily be moved, and induced to succour distress.

I began to be more accustomed to my irons, which I had before found so insupportable; I could comb out my long hair, and could tie it at last with one hand. My beard, which had so long remained unshaven, gave me a grim appearance, and I began to pluck it up by the roots.

The pain at first was considerable, especially about the lips; but this also custom conquered, and I performed this operation in the following years, once in six weeks, or two months, as the hair thus plucked up required that length of time before the nails could again get hold. Vermin did not molest me; the dampness of my den was inimical to them. My limbs never swelled, because of the exercise Igave myself, as before described. The greatest pain I found was in the continued unvivifying dimness in which I lived.

I had read much, had lived in, and seen much of the world. Vacuity of thought, therefore, I was little troubled with; the former transactions of my life, and the remembrance of the persons I had known, I revolved so often in my mind, that they became as familiar and connected as if the events had each been written in the order it occurred. Habit made this mental exercise so perfect to me, that Icould compose speeches, fables, odes, satires, all of which Irepeated aloud, and had so stored my memory with them that I was enabled, after I had obtained my freedom, to commit to writing two volumes of my prison labours. Accustomed to this exercise, days that would otherwise have been days of misery appeared but as a moment. The following narrative will show how munch esteem, how many friends, these compositions procured me, even in my dungeon;insomuch that I obtained light, paper, and finally freedom itself.

For these I have to thank the industrious acquirements of my youth;therefore do I counsel all my readers so to employ their time.

Riches, honours, the favours of fortune, may be showered by monarchs upon the most worthless; but monarchs can give and take, say and unsay, raise and pull down. Monarchs, however, can neither give wisdom nor virtue. Arbitrary power itself, in the presence of these, is foiled.

How wisely has Providence ordained that the endowments of industry, learning, and science, given by ourselves, cannot be taken from us;while, on the contrary, what others bestow is a fantastical dream, from which any accident may awaken us! The wrath of Frederic could destroy legions, and defeat armies; but it could not take from me the sense of honour, of innocence, and their sweet concomitant, peace of mind--could not deprive me of fortitude and magnanimity. Idefied his power, rested on the justice of my cause, found in myself expedients wherewith to oppose him, was at length crowned with conquest, and came forth to the world the martyr of suffering virtue.

Some of my oppressors now rot in dishonourable graves. Others, alas! in Vienna, remain immured in houses of correction, as Krugel and Zeto, or beg their bread, like Gravenitz and Doo. Nor are the wealthy possessors of my estates more fortunate, but look down with shame wherever I and my children appear. We stand erect, esteemed, and honoured, while their injustice is manifest to the whole world.

Young man, be industrious: for without industry can none of the treasures I have described be purchased. Thy labour will reward itself; then, when assaulted by misfortune, or even misery, learn of me and smile; or, shouldst thou escape such trials, still labour to acquire wisdom, that in old age thou mayest find content and happiness.

The years in my dungeon passed away as days, those moments excepted when, thinking on the great world, and the deeds of great men, my ambition was roused: except when, contemplating the vileness of my chains, and the wretchedness of my situation, I laboured for liberty, and found my labours endless and ineffectual; except while I remembered the triumph of my enemies, and the splendour in which those lived by whom I had been plundered. Then, indeed, did Iexperience intervals that approached madness, despair, and horror: beholding myself destitute of friend or protector, the Empress herself, for whose sake I suffered, deserting me; reflecting on past times and past prosperity; remembering how the good and virtuous, from the cruel nature of my punishment, must be obliged to conclude me a wretch and a villain, and that all means of justification were cut off: O God! How did my heart beat! with what violence! What would I not have undertaken, in these suffering moments, to have put my enemies to shame! Vengeance and rage then rose rebellious against patience; long-suffering philosophy vanished, and the poisoned cup of Socrates would have been the nectar of the gods.

Man deprived of hope is man destroyed. I found but little probability in all my plans and projects; yet did I trust that some of them should succeed, yet did I confide in them and my honest Gelfhardt, and that I should still free myself from my chains.

The greatest of all my incitements to patient endurance was love. Ihad left behind me, in Vienna, a lady for whom the world still was dear to me; her would I neither desert nor afflict. To her and my sister was my existence still necessary. For their sakes, who had lost and suffered so much for mine, would I preserve my life; for them no difficulty, no suffering was too great; yet, alas! when long-desired liberty was restored, I found them both in their graves. The joy, for which I had borne so much, was no more to be tasted.