第114章
`It is this,' he continued, with capricious compunction.`In thinking of your soul and mine when we last met, I neglected to inquire as to your worldly condition.You were well dressed, and I did not think of it.But I see now that it is hard - harder than it used to be when I - knew you - harder than you deserve.Perhaps a good deal of it is owing to me!'
She did not answer, and he watched her inquiringly, as, with bent head, her face completely screened by the hood, she resumed her trimming of the swedes.By going on with her work she felt better able to keep him outside her emotions.
`Tess,' he added, with a sigh of discontent,--'yours was the very worst case I ever was concerned in! I had no idea of what had resulted till you told me.Scamp that I was to foul that innocent life! The whole blame was mine - the whole unconventional business of our time at Trantridge.You, too, the real blood of which I am but the base imitation, what a blind young thing you were as to possibilities! I say in all earnestness that it is a shame for parents to bring up their girls in such dangerous ignorance of the gins and nets that the wicked may set for them, whether their motive be a good one or the result of simple indifference.'
Tess still did no more than listen, throwing down one globular root and taking up another with automatic regularity, the pensive contour of the mere fieldwoman alone marking her.
`But it is not that I came to say,' d'Urberville went on.`My circumstances are these.I have lost my mother since you were at Trantridge, and the place is my own.But I intend to sell it, and devote myself to missionary work in Africa.A devil of a poor hand I shall make at the trade, no doubt.
However, what I want to ask you is, will you put it in my power to do my duty - to make the only reparation I can make for the trick played you:
that is, will you be my wife, and go with me?...I have already obtained this precious document.It was my old mother's dying wish.' He drew a piece of parchment from his pocket, with a slight fumbling of embarrassment.
`What is it?' said she.
`A marriage licence.'
`O no, sir - no!' she said quickly, starting back.
`You will not? Why is that?'
And as he asked the question a disappointment which was not entirely the disappointment of thwarted duty crossed d'Urberville face.It was unmistakably a symptom that something of his old passion for her had been revived; duty and desire ran hand-in-hand.
`Surely,' he began again, in more impetuous tones, and then looked round at the labourer who turned the slicer.
Tess, too, felt that the argument could not be ended there.Informing the man that a gentleman had come to see her, with whom she wished to walk a little way, she moved off with d'Urberville across the zebra-striped field.When they reached the first newly-sloughed section he held out his hand to help her over it; but she stepped forward on the summits of the earth-rolls as if she did not see him.
`You will not marry me, Tess, and make me a self-respecting man?' he repeated, as soon as they were over the furrows.
`I cannot.'
`But why?'
`You know I have no affection for you.'
`But you would get to feel that in time, perhaps - as soon as you really could forgive me?'
`Never!'
`Why so positive?'
`I love somebody else.'
The words seemed to astonish him.
`You do?' he cried.`Somebody else? But has not a sense of what is morally right and proper any weight with you?'
`No, no, no - don't say that!'
`Anyhow, then, your love for this other man may be only a passing feeling which you will overcome------'
`No - no.'
`Yes, yes! Why not?'
`I cannot tell you.'
`You must in honour!'
`Well then - I have married him.'
`Ah!' he exclaimed; and he stopped dead and gazed at her.
`I did not wish to tell - I did not mean to!' she pleaded.`It is a secret here, or at any rate but dimly known.So will you, please will you, keep from questioning me? You must remember that we are now strangers.'
`Strangers - are we? Strangers!'
For a moment a flash of his old irony marked his face; but he determinedly chastened it down.
`Is that man your husband?' he asked mechanically, denoting by a sign the labourer who turned the machine.
`That man!' she said proudly.`I should think not!'
`Who, then?'
`Do not ask what I do not wish to tell!' she begged, and flashed her appeal to him from her upturned face and lash-shadowed eyes.
D'Urberville was disturbed.
`But I only asked for your sake!' he retorted hotly.`Angels of heaven!
- God forgive me for such an expression - I came here, I swear, as I thought for your good.Tess - don't look at me so - I cannot stand your looks!
There never were such eyes, surely, before Christianity or since! There - I won't lose my head; I dare not.I own that the sight of you has waked up my love for You, which, I believed, was extinguished with all such feelings.
But I thought that our marriage might be a sanctification for us both.
"The unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband," I said to myself.But my plan is dashed from me; and I must bear the disappointment!'
He moodily reflected with his eyes on the ground.`Married.Married!
- Well, that being so,' he added, quite calmly, tearing the licence slowly into halves and putting them in his pocket; `that being prevented, I should like to do some good to you and your husband, whoever he may be.There are many questions that I am tempted to ask, but I will not do so, of course, in opposition to your wishes.Though, if I could know your husband, I might more easily benefit him and you.Is he on this farm?'
`No,' she murmured.`He is far away.'
`Far away? From you ? What sort of husband can he be?'
`O, do not speak against him! It was through you! He found out------'
`Ah, is it so! -.That's sad, Tess!'
`Yes.'
`But to stay away from you - to leave you to work like this!'
`He does not leave me to work!' she cried, springing to the defence of the absent one with all her fervour.`He don't know it! It is by my own arrangement.'
`Then, does he write?'
`I - I cannot tell you.There are things which are private to ourselves.'