第92章 THE COMTESSE DE L'ESTORADE TO MME.MARIE GASTON(2)

Yet home education is not without its drawbacks,to which I am fully alive.Society,like nature,is a jealous power,and will have not her rights encroached on,or her system set at naught.Thus,children who are brought up at home are exposed too early to the fire of the world;they see its passions and become at home with its subterfuges.The finer distinctions,which regulate the conduct of matured men and women,elude their perceptions,and they take feeling and passion for their guide instead of subordinating those to the code of society;whilst the gay trappings and tinsel which attract so much of the world's favor blind them to the importance of the more sober virtues.

A child of fifteen with the assurance of a man of the world is a thing against all nature;at twenty-five he will be prematurely old,and his precocious knowledge only unfits him for the genuine study on which all solid ability must rest.Life in society is one long comedy,and those who take part in it,like other actors,reflect back impressions which never penetrate below the surface.A mother,therefore,who wishes not to part from her children,must resolutely determine that they shall not enter the gay world;she must have courage to resist their inclinations,as well as her own,and keep them in the background.Cornelia had to keep her jewels under lock and key.Shall I do less for the children who are all the world to me?

Now that I am thirty,the heat of the day is over,the hardest bit of the road lies behind me.In a few years I shall be an old woman,and the sense of duty done is an immense encouragement.It would almost seem as though my trio can read my thoughts and shape themselves accordingly.A mysterious bond of sympathy unites me to these children who have never left my side.If they knew the blank in my life which they have to fill,they could not be more lavish of the solace they bring.

Armand,who was dull and dreamy during his first three years at school,and caused me some uneasiness,has made a sudden start.

Doubtless he realized,in a way most children never do,the aim of all this preparatory work,which is to sharpen the intelligence,to get them into habits of application and accustom them to that fundamental principle of all society--obedience.My dear,a few days ago I had the proud joy of seeing Armand crowned at the great interscholastic competition in the crowded Sorbonne,when your godson received the first prize for translation.At the school distribution he got two first prizes--one for verse,and one for an essay.I went quite white when his name was called out,and longed to shout aloud,"I am his mother!"Little Nais squeezed my hand till it hurt,if at such a moment it were possible to feel pain.Ah!Louise,a day like this might outweigh many a dream of love!

His brother's triumphs have spurred on little Rene,who wants to go to school too.Sometimes the three children make such a racket,shouting and rushing about the house,that I wonder how my head stands it.I am always with them;no one else,not even Mary,is allowed to take care of my children.But the calling of a mother,if taxing,has so many compensating joys!To see a child leave its play and run to hug one,out of the fulness of its heart,what could be sweeter?

Then it is only in being constantly with them that one can study their characters.It is the duty of a mother,and one which she can depute to no hired teacher,to decipher the tastes,temper,and natural aptitudes of her children from their infancy.All home-bred children are distinguished by ease of manner and tact,two acquired qualities which may go far to supply the lack of natural ability,whereas no natural ability can atone for the loss of this early training.I have already learned to discriminate this difference of tone in the men whom I meet in society,and to trace the hand of a woman in the formation of a young man's manners.How could any woman defraud her children of such a possession?You see what rewards attend the performance of my tasks!

Armand,I feel certain,will make an admirable judge,the most upright of public servants,the most devoted of deputies.And where would you find a sailor bolder,more adventurous,more astute than my Rene will be a few years hence?The little rascal has already an iron will,whatever he wants he manages to get;he will try a thousand circuitous ways to reach his end,and if not successful then,will devise a thousand and first.Where dear Armand quietly resigns himself and tries to get at the reason of things,Rene will storm,and strive,and puzzle,chattering all the time,till at last he finds some chink in the obstacle;if there is room for the blade of a knife to pass,his little carriage will ride through in triumph.

And Nais?Nais is so completely a second self that I can hardly realize her as distinct from my own flesh and blood.What a darling she is,and how I love to make a little lady of her,to dress her curly hair,tender thoughts mingling the while with every touch!Imust have her happy;I shall only give her to the man who loves her and whom she loves.But,Heavens!when I let her put on her little ornaments,or pass a cherry-colored ribbon through her hair,or fasten the shoes on her tiny feet,a sickening thought comes over me.How can one order the destiny of a girl?Who can say that she will not love a scoundrel or some man who is indifferent to her?Tears often spring to my eyes as I watch her.This lovely creature,this flower,this rosebud which has blossomed in one's heart,to be handed over to a man who will tear it from the stem and leave it bare!Louise,it is you--you,who in two years have not written three words to tell me of your welfare--it is you who have recalled to my mind the terrible possibilities of marriage,so full of anguish for a mother wrapped up,as I am,in her child.Farewell now,for in truth you don't deserve my friendship,and I hardly know how to write.Oh!answer me,dear Louise.