第37章 SHOULD WE SAY WHAT WE THINK,OR THINK WHAT WE SAY?

For one bright breezy creature I grew to feel a real regard.All the months that I had known her,seen her almost daily,never once had Iheard a single cry of pain escape her lips,never once had I heard her cursing fate.Of the many who called upon her in her charming flat,not one had ever,to my knowledge,offered her consolation or condolence.It seemed to me cruel,callous.The over-burdened heart,finding no outlet for its imprisoned grief,finding no sympathetic ear into which to pour its tale of woe,breaks,we are told;anyhow,it isn't good for it.I decided--no one else seeming keen--that I would supply that sympathetic ear.The very next time Ifound myself alone with her I introduced the subject.

"You have been living here in Dresden a long time,have you not?"Iasked.

"About five years,"she answered,"on and off.""And all alone,"I commented,with a sigh intended to invite to confidence.

"Well,hardly alone,"she corrected me,while a look of patient resignation added dignity to her piquant features."You see,there are the dear children always round about me,during the holidays.""Besides,"she added,"the people here are real kind to me;they hardly ever let me feel myself alone.We make up little parties,you know,picnics and excursions.And then,of course,there is the Opera and the Symphony Concerts,and the subion dances.The dear old king has been doing a good deal this winter,too;and I must say the Embassy folks have been most thoughtful,so far as I am concerned.No,it would not be right for me to complain of loneliness,not now that I have got to know a few people,as it were.""But don't you miss your husband?"I suggested.

A cloud passed over her usually sunny face."Oh,please don't talk of him,"she said,"it makes me feel real sad,thinking about him."But having commenced,I was determined that my sympathy should not be left to waste.

"What did he die of?"I asked.

She gave me a look the pathos of which I shall never forget.

"Say,young man,"she cried,"are you trying to break it to me gently?Because if so,I'd rather you told me straight out.What did he die of?""Then isn't he dead?"I asked,"I mean so far as you know.""Never heard a word about his being dead till you started the idea,"she retorted."So far as I know he's alive and well."I said that I was sorry.I went on to explain that I did not mean Iwas sorry to hear that in all probability he was alive and well.

What I meant was I was sorry I had introduced a painful subject.

"What's a painful subject?"

"Why,your husband,"I replied.

"But why should you call him a painful subject?"I had an idea she was getting angry with me.She did not say so.Igathered it.But I had to explain myself somehow.

"Well,"I answered,"I take it,you didn't get on well together,and I am sure it must have been his fault.""Now look here,"she said,"don't you breathe a word against my husband or we shall quarrel.A nicer,dearer fellow never lived.""Then what did you divorce him for?"I asked.It was impertinent,it was unjustifiable.My excuse is that the mystery surrounding the American husband had been worrying me for months.Here had Istumbled upon the opportunity of solving it.Instinctively I clung to my advantage.

"There hasn't been any divorce,"she said."There isn't going to be any divorce.You'll make me cross in another minute."But I was becoming reckless."He is not dead.You are not divorced from him.Where is he?"I demanded with some heat.

"Where is he?"she replied,astonished.Where should he be?At home,of course."I looked around the luxuriously-furnished room with its air of cosy comfort,of substantial restfulness.

"What home?"I asked.

"What home!Why,our home,in Detroit."

"What is he doing there?"I had become so much in earnest that my voice had assumed unconsciously an authoritative tone.Presumably,it hypnotised her,for she answered my questions as though she had been in the witness-box.

"How do I know?How can I possibly tell you what he is doing?What do people usually do at home?""Answer the questions,madam,don't ask them.What are you doing here?Quite truthfully,if you please."My eyes were fixed upon her.

"Enjoying myself.He likes me to enjoy myself.Besides,I am educating the children.""You mean they are here at boarding-school while you are gadding about.What is wrong with American education?When did you see your husband last?""Last?Let me see.No,last Christmas I was in Berlin.It must have been the Christmas before,I think.""If he is the dear kind fellow you say he is,how is it you haven't seen him for two years?""Because,as I tell you,he is at home,in Detroit.How can I see him when I am here in Dresden and he is in Detroit?You do ask foolish questions.He means to try and come over in the summer,if he can spare the time,and then,of course -"Answer my questions,please.I've spoken to you once about it.Do you think you are performing your duty as a wife,enjoying yourself in Dresden and Berlin while your husband is working hard in Detroit?""He was quite willing for me to come.The American husband is a good fellow who likes his wife to enjoy herself.""I am not asking for your views on the American husband.I am asking your views on the American wife--on yourself.The American husband appears to be a sort of stained-glass saint,and you American wives are imposing upon him.It is doing you no good,and it won't go on for ever.There will come a day when the American husband will wake up to the fact he is making a fool of himself,and by over-indulgence,over-devotion,turning the American woman into a heartless,selfish creature.What sort of a home do you think it is in Detroit,with you and the children over here?Tell me,is the American husband made entirely of driven snow,with blood distilled from moonbeams,or is he composed of the ordinary ingredients?

Because,if the latter,you take my advice and get back home.I take it that in America,proper,there are millions of real homes where the woman does her duty and plays the game.But also it is quite clear there are thousands of homes in America,mere echoing rooms,where the man walks by himself,his wife and children scattered over Europe.It isn't going to work,it isn't right that it should work.""You take the advice of a sincere friend.Pack up--you and the children--and get home."I left.It was growing late.I felt it was time to leave.Whether she took my counsel I cannot say.I only know that there still remain in Europe a goodly number of American wives to whom it is applicable.