第53章
CHARITY lay on the floor on a mattress, as her dead mother's body had lain.The room in which she lay was cold and dark and low-ceilinged, and even poorer and barer than the scene of Mary Hyatt's earthly pilgrimage.On the other side of the fireless stove Liff Hyatt's mother slept on a blanket, with two children--her grandchildren, she said--rolled up against her like sleeping puppies.They had their thin clothes spread over them, having given the only other blanket to their guest.
Through the small square of glass in the opposite wall Charity saw a deep funnel of sky, so black, so remote, so palpitating with frosty stars that her very soul seemed to be sucked into it.Up there somewhere, she supposed, the God whom Mr.Miles had invoked was waiting for Mary Hyatt to appear.What a long flight it was! And what would she have to say when she reached Him?
Charity's bewildered brain laboured with the attempt to picture her mother's past, and to relate it in any way to the designs of a just but merciful God; but it was impossible to imagine any link between them.She herself felt as remote from the poor creature she had seen lowered into her hastily dug grave as if the height of the heavens divided them.She had seen poverty and misfortune in her life; but in a community where poor thrifty Mrs.Hawes and the industrious Ally represented the nearest approach to destitution there was nothing to suggest the savage misery of the Mountain farmers.
As she lay there, half-stunned by her tragic initiation, Charity vainly tried to think herself into the life about her.But she could not even make out what relationship these people bore to each other, or to her dead mother; they seemed to be herded together in a sort of passive promiscuity in which their common misery was the strongest link.She tried to picture to herself what her life would have been if she had grown up on the Mountain, running wild in rags, sleeping on the floor curled up against her mother, like the pale-faced children huddled against old Mrs.Hyatt, and turning into a fierce bewildered creature like the girl who had apostrophized her in such strange words.She was frightened by the secret affinity she had felt with this girl, and by the light it threw on her own beginnings.Then she remembered what Mr.Royall had said in telling her story to Lucius Harney: "Yes, there was a mother; but she was glad to have the child go.
She'd have given her to anybody...."
Well! after all, was her mother so much to blame?
Charity, since that day, had always thought of her as destitute of all human feeling; now she seemed merely pitiful.What mother would not want to save her child from such a life? Charity thought of the future of her own child, and tears welled into her aching eyes, and ran down over her face.If she had been less exhausted, less burdened with his weight, she would have sprung up then and there and fled away....
The grim hours of the night dragged themselves slowly by, and at last the sky paled and dawn threw a cold blue beam into the room.She lay in her corner staring at the dirty floor, the clothes-line hung with decaying rags, the old woman huddled against the cold stove, and the light gradually spreading across the wintry world, and bringing with it a new day in which she would have to live, to choose, to act, to make herself a place among these people--or to go back to the life she had left.A mortal lassitude weighed on her.There were moments when she felt that all she asked was to go on lying there unnoticed; then her mind revolted at the thought of becoming one of the miserable herd from which she sprang, and it seemed as though, to save her child from such a fate, she would find strength to travel any distance, and bear any burden life might put on her.
Vague thoughts of Nettleton flitted through her mind.
She said to herself that she would find some quiet place where she could bear her child, and give it to decent people to keep; and then she would go out like Julia Hawes and earn its living and hers.She knew that girls of that kind sometimes made enough to have their children nicely cared for; and every other consideration disappeared in the vision of her baby, cleaned and combed and rosy, and hidden away somewhere where she could run in and kiss it, and bring it pretty things to wear.Anything, anything was better than to add another life to the nest of misery on the Mountain....
The old woman and the children were still sleeping when Charity rose from her mattress.Her body was stiff with cold and fatigue, and she moved slowly lest her heavy steps should rouse them.She was faint with hunger, and had nothing left in her satchel; but on the table she saw the half of a stale loaf.No doubt it was to serve as the breakfast of old Mrs.Hyatt and the children; but Charity did not care; she had her own baby to think of.She broke off a piece of the bread and ate it greedily; then her glance fell on the thin faces of the sleeping children, and filled with compunction she rummaged in her satchel for something with which to pay for what she had taken.She found one of the pretty chemises that Ally had made for her, with a blue ribbon run through its edging.It was one of the dainty things on which she had squandered her savings, and as she looked at it the blood rushed to her forehead.She laid the chemise on the table, and stealing across the floor lifted the latch and went out....