第23章

'Yes,' he answered, 'for I believed you my friend.' At that moment Ifelt myself inferior to Mongenod, so sublime did he seem to me as he said those grand words.'Did I not speak to you frankly,' he said, 'in this very room? I came to you, Alain, as the only person who would really understand me.I told you that fifty louis would be lost, but a hundred I could return to you.I did not bind myself by saying when;for how could I know the time at which my long struggle with disaster would end? You were my last friend.All others, even our old master Bordin, despised me for the very reason that I borrowed money of them.

Oh! you do not know, Alain, the dreadful sensation which grips the heart of an honest man when, in the throes of poverty, he goes to a friend and asks him for succor,--and all that follows! I hope you never may know it; it is far worse than the anguish of death.You have written me letters which, if I had written them to you in a like situation, you would have thought very odious.You expected of me that which it was out of my power to do.But you are the only person to whom I shall try to justify myself.In spite of your severity, and though from being a friend you became a creditor on the day when Bordin asked for my note on your behalf (thus abrogating the generous compact you had made with me there, on that spot, when we clasped hands and mingled our tears),--well, in spite of all that, I have remembered that day, and because of it I have come here to say to you, You do not know misery, therefore do not judge it.I have not had one moment when I could answer you.Would you have wished me to come here and cajole you with words? I could not pay you; I did not even have enough for the bare necessities of those whose lives depended on me.

My play brought little.A novice in theatrical ways, I became a prey to musicians, actors, journalists, orchestras.To get the means to leave Paris and join my family, and carry to them the few things they need, I have sold "Les Peruviens" outright to the director, with two other pieces which I had in my portfolio.I start for Holland without a sou; I must reach Flushing as best I can; my voyage is paid, that is all.Were it not for the pity of my landlady, who has confidence in me, I should have to travel on foot, with my bag upon my back.But, in spite of your doubts of me, I, remembering that without you I never could have sent my wife and father-in-law to New York, am forever grateful to you.No, Monsieur Alain, I shall not forget that the hundred louis d'or you lent me would have yielded you to-day fifteen hundred francs a year.' 'I desire to believe you, Mongenod,' I said, shaken by the tone in which he made this explanation.'Ah, you no longer say /monsieur/ to me!' he said quickly, with a tender glance.

'My God! I shall quit France with less regret if I can leave one man behind me in whose eyes I am not half a swindler, nor a spendthrift, nor a man of illusions! Alain, I have loved an angel in the midst of my misery.A man who truly loves cannot be despicable.' At those words I stretched out my hand to him.He took it and wrung it.'May heaven protect you!' I said.'Are we still friends?' he asked.'Yes,' Ireplied.'It shall never be that my childhood's comrade and the friend of my youth left me for America under the feeling that I was angry with him.' Mongenod kissed me, with tears in his eyes, and rushed away."Monsieur Alain stopped in his narrative for an instant and looked at Godefroid."I remember that day with some satisfaction," he said.Then he resumed:

"A week or so later I met Bordin and told him of that interview.He smiled and said: 'I hope it was not a pretty bit of comedy.Didn't he ask for anything?' 'No,' I answered.'Well, he came to see me the same day.I was almost as touched as you; and he asked me for means to get food on his journey.Well, well, time will show!' These remarks of Bordin made me fear I had foolishly yielded to mistaken sensibility.

'Nevertheless,' I said to myself, 'he, the old lawyer, did as I did.'

I do not think it necessary to explain to you how I lost all, or nearly all, my property.I had placed a little in the Funds, which gave me five hundred francs a year; all else was gone.I was then thirty-four years old.I obtained, through the influence of Monsieur Bordin, a place as clerk, with a salary of eight hundred francs, in a branch office of the Mont-de-piete, rue des Augustins.[*] From that time I lived very modestly.I found a small lodging in the rue des Marais, on the third floor (two rooms and a closet), for two hundred and fifty francs a year.I dined at a common boarding-house for forty francs a month.I copied writings at night.Ugly as I was and poor, Ihad to renounce marriage."

[*] The Mont-de-Piete and its branches are pawn-shops under control of the government.--TR.

As Godefroid heard this judgment which the poor man passed upon himself with beautiful simplicity and resignation, he made a movement which proved, far more than any confidence in words could have done, the resemblance of their destinies; and the goodman, in answer to that eloquent gesture, seemed to expect the words that followed it.

"Have you never been loved?" asked Godefroid.

"Never!" he said; "except by Madame, who returns to us all the love we have for her,--a love which I may call divine.You must be aware of it.We live through her life as she lives through ours; we have but one soul among us; and such pleasures, though they are not physical, are none the less intense; we exist through our hearts.Ah, my child!"he continued, "when women come to appreciate moral qualities, they are indifferent to others; and they are then old--Oh! I have suffered deeply,--yes, deeply!""And I, in the same way," said Godefroid.

"Under the Empire," said the worthy man, resuming his narrative, "the Funds did not always pay their dividends regularly; it was necessary to be prepared for suspensions of payment.From 1802 to 1814 there was scarcely a week that I did not attribute my misfortune to Mongenod.