第138章

"He is a vagabond, Mr.Jinks," said the magistrate."He is a vagabond on his own statement; is he not, Mr.Jinks?""Certainly, sir."

"Then I'll commit him.I'll commit him as such," said Mr.Nupkins.

"This is a wery impartial country for justice," said Sam."There ain't a magistrate goin' as don't commit himself, twice as often as he commits other people."At this sally another special laughed, and then tried to look so supernaturally solemn, that the magistrate detected him immediately.

"Grummer," said Mr.Nupkins, reddening with passion, "how dare you select such an inefficient and disreputable person for a special constable, as that man? How dare you do it, sir?""I am very sorry, your wash-up," stammered Grummer.

"Very sorry!" said the furious magistrate."You shall repent of this neglect of duty, Mr.Grummer; you shall be made an example of.Take that fellow's staff away.He's drunk.You're drunk, fellow.""I am not drunk, your worship," said the man.

"You are drunk," returned the magistrate."How dare you say you are not drunk, sir, when I say you are? Doesn't he smell of spirits, Grummer?""Horrid, your wash-up," replied Grummer, who had a vague impression that there was a smell of rum somewhere.

"I knew he did," said Mr.Nupkins."I saw he was drunk when he first came into the room, by his excited eye.Did you observe his excited eye, Mr.Jinks?""Certainly, sir."

"I haven't touched a drop of spirits this morning," said the man, who was as sober a fellow as need be.

"How dare you tell me a falsehood?" said Mr.Nupkins."Isn't he drunk at this moment, Mr.Jinks?""Certainly, sir," replied Jinks.

"Mr.Jinks," said the magistrate, "I shall commit that man, for contempt.

Make out his committal, Mr.Jinks."

And committed the special would have been, only Jinks, who was the magistrate's adviser (having had a legal education of three years in a country attorney's office), whispered the magistrate that he thought it wouldn't do; so the magistrate made a speech, and said, that in consideration of the special's family, he would merely reprimand and discharge him.Accordingly, the special was abused, vehemently, for a quarter of an hour, and sent about his business:

and Grummer, Dubbley, Muzzle, and all the other specials murmured their admiration of the magnanimity of Mr.Nupkins.

"Now, Mr.Jinks," said the magistrate, "swear Grummer."Grummer was sworn directly; but as Grummer wandered, and Mr.Nupkins'

dinner was nearly ready, Mr.Nupkins cut the matter short, by putting leading questions to Grummer, which Grummer answered as nearly in the affirmative as he could.So the examination went off, all very smooth and comfortable, and two assaults were proved against Mr.Weller, and a threat against Mr.

Winkle, and a push against Mr.Snodgrass.When all this was done to the magistrate's satisfaction, the magistrate and Mr.Jinks consulted in whispers.

The consultation having lasted about ten minutes, Mr.Jinks retired to his end of the table; and the magistrate, with a preparatory cough, drew himself up in his chair, and was proceeding to commence his address, when Mr.Pickwick interposed.

"I beg your pardon, sir, for interrupting you," said Mr.Pickwick; "but before you proceed to express, and act upon, any opinion you may have formed on the statements which have been made here, I must claim my right to be heard, so far as I am personally concerned.""Hold your tongue, sir," said the magistrate, peremptorily.

"I must submit to you, sir," said Mr.Pickwick.

"Hold your tongue, sir," interposed the magistrate, "or I shall order an officer to remove you.""You may order your officers to do whatever you please, sir," said Mr.

Pickwick; "and I have no doubt, from the specimen I have had of the subordination preserved amongst them, that whatever you order, they will execute, sir;but I shall take the liberty, sir, of claiming my right to be heard, until I am removed by force.""Pickvick and principle!" exclaimed Mr.Weller, in a very audible voice.

"Sam, be quiet," said Mr.Pickwick.

"Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir," replied Sam.

Mr.Nupkins looked at Mr.Pickwick with a gaze of intense astonishment, at his displaying such unwonted temerity; and was apparently about to return a very angry reply, when Mr.Jinks pulled him by the sleeve, and whispered something in his ear.To this, the magistrate returned a half-audible answer, and then the whispering was renewed.Jinks was evidently remonstrating.

At length the magistrate, gulping down, with a very bad grace, his disinclination to hear anything more, turned to Mr.Pickwick, and said sharply: "What do you want to say?""First," said Mr.Pickwick, sending a look through his spectacles, under which even Nupkins quailed."First, I wish to know what I and my friend have been brought here for?""Must I tell him?" whispered the magistrate to Jinks.

"I think you had better, sir," whispered Jinks to the magistrate.

"An information has been sworn before me," said the magistrate, "that it is apprehended you are going to fight a duel, and that the other man, Tupman, is your aider and abettor in it.Therefore--eh, Mr.Jinks?""Certainly, sir."

"Therefore, I call upon you both, to--I think that's the course, Mr.

Jinks?"

"Certainly, sir."

"To--to--what, Mr.Jinks?" said the magistrate, pettishly.

"To find bail, sir."

"Yes.Therefore, I call upon you both--as I was about to say, when Iwas interrupted by my clerk--to find bail.""Good bail," whispered Mr.Jinks.

"I shall require good bail," said the magistrate.

"Town's-people," whispered Jinks.

"They must be town's-people," said the magistrate.

"Fifty pounds each," whispered Jinks, "and householders, of course.""I shall require two sureties of fity pounds each," said the magistrate aloud, with great dignity, "and they must be householders, of course.""But, bless my heart, sir," said Mr.Pickwick, who, together with Mr.