第8章 奇葩囧语(3)

Then as a discussion started up in the classroom，he led the young girl to the door and closed it behind him.

A few seconds later he came in alone."That’s the end of the story."he announced，"Now for our composition today.I want you to write the beginning and the middle."

不同寻常的方式

一名英语教师经常用不同寻常的方式教授作文。有一次，他刚整顿好课堂秩序，教室门突然开了，随后走进来一位非常迷人的黑发女孩。

“玛丽，”那位老师从桌边一跃而起，大声叫道，“玛丽，亲爱的！”

这时，教室里响起了议论声，那位老师将年轻女孩领出门，在身后关上了门。

过了一会儿，他独自走进教室。“这是故事的结尾，”他宣布说，“今天的作文，我要你们写出故事开头和中间部分。”

25 Grass Eater

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside.

He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass？"he asked the man.

"I don’t have any money for food."the poor man replied.

"Oh，please come to my house！"

"But sir，I have a wife and four children..."

"Bring them along！"the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo.Once underway，the poor fellow said，"Sir，you are too kind.Thank you for taking all of us in."

The rich man replied，"No，you don’t understand.The grass at my house is over three feet tall！"

吃草的人

一个男人坐在豪华轿车后座上，他看到路旁有人在吃草，于是让司机停车，待他下车探个究竟。

“你为什么吃草啊？”他问那个男的。

“我没钱买吃的。”那个穷人回答。

“哦，请来我家吧！”

“但是先生，我还有妻子和四个孩子……”

“把他们都带过来吧！”富人说。

他们都上了豪华轿车。开车后，那个穷人说：“先生，您太好了，谢谢您把我们全家都带上了。”

富人回答说：“不，你没搞明白。我家的草都三英尺多高了！”

26 How Did You Know He Was a Bandit

A woman went into a butcher shop one evening to buy some meat.A strange man followed her into the store and stood about while she was at the counter.Suddenly she screamed，and the man turned and ran out of the store，and fight into the arms of a passing patrolman.On searching him he was found to be armed.Later he was identified as a notorious hold‐up man.

"Mrs.Albert，if you hadn’t screamed I would certainly have been robbed."declared the butcher gratefully.

"But how did you know he was a bandit？"

"I didn’t know，"protested Mrs.Albert，"I screamed when you told me what the roast was going to cost me."

你怎么知道他是个强盗

一天晚上，一位女士到肉店买肉。一个奇怪的男人跟着她进了店，当她站在柜台旁时，他也站在那里。突然她尖叫起来，这个男人转身跑出了肉店，正好碰到了一个路过的巡警。经过一番检查，巡警发现他持有武器。然后他又被指认是一名臭名昭着的抢劫犯。

“艾伯特太太，要不是你尖叫我一定就被偷了。”屠户感激地说道，“不过你怎么知道他是个强盗呢？”

“我不知道，”艾伯特太太说，“你告诉我烤肉要花多少钱我才尖叫的。”

27 Isn’t It Quite Clear

One day his friend asked him，"Why do people go hither and thither in all directions at dawn？"

"Oh，isn’t it a pity how foolish you are！"was his reply.

"Isn’t it quite clear？If all the people go in the same direction，won’t the earth tilt on that side？"

显而易见

一天，朋友问他：“为什么天一亮人们就纷纷向不同方向走去？”

“噢，你怎么这么笨！”他回答说，“这不是显而易见的吗？如果所有的人都往同一个方向走去，那地球不是要倾向一边了吗？”

28 Americans and Japanese

When two Americans put a bunch of flowers on a friend’s grave，they saw a Japanese laid a bowl of rice on the grave.

One American asked，"When do you expect your friend to come and eat the rice？"

The Japanese answered，"When your friend comes to smell the flowers."

美国人和日本人

两个美国人在一个朋友的墓前献上了一束鲜花，这时他们看到一个日本人在朋友的墓前摆放了一碗米饭。一个美国人问道：“你觉得你的朋友什么时候能来吃米饭呢？”

日本人回答说：“当你的朋友来闻这些花香时。”

29 I Can Turn Him off Whenever I Please

After earning my degree in broadcast journalism，I was fortunate to land a job as a disc jockey at a top‐rated local radio station.One day before work，I stopped by my parents’house，where my mother was chatting with some friends.She introduced me to everyone and proudly mentioned that I had my own radio show.How is it having a son who’s a popular radio personality？"asked one friend."It’s worderful！"mom replied with glee，"For the first time in his life，I can turn him off whenever I please."