第5章 极品醉爱(5)
13.When a man opens the door of his car for his wife，you can be sure of one thing： either the car is new or the wife is.
14.Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
15.Any married man should forget his mistakes-there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
16.The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
17.When a man steals your wife，there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
18.To keep your marriage brimming with love in the marriage cup-Whenever you’re wrong，admit it.
Whenever you’re right，shut up.
19.My opinions are my wife’s，and she says I’m lucky to have them.
20.When a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage，it is love； after marriage，it is self‐defense.
21.A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking： the husband gives and the wife takes.
22.Marriage is not just having a wife，but also worries inherited forever.
23.It’s true that all men are born free and equal，but some of them get married.
24.A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
丈夫如是说
1.我和我妻子都各自幸福地生活了二十几年，然后我们相遇了。
2.好妻子总是会原谅丈夫，当她自己做错事的时候。
3.我已经好几个月没和妻子说话了，我可不想打扰她。
4.我娶到了“正确的”女人，只是不知道她的姓是“总是”。
5.说已婚男人比单身汉活得更久是不对的，其实只是看起来更久。
6.已婚男人比单身汉长寿，不过他们更愿意早死。
7.失去老婆会很难，但对我来说，这根本不可能。
8.男女平等是不可能的，除非她们能秃着头在大街上走还觉得自己很好看。
9.结婚前，男人为他所爱的女人痴迷。结婚后，就只剩为她赚钱了。
10.丈夫对妻子说：“不，我并不是讨厌你的亲戚，只是比起我的丈母娘来，我更喜欢你的婆婆。”
11.没结婚的男人是不完整的，结婚后他就完整（完蛋）了。
12.结婚之前我不知道什么是真正的幸福，而等我知道的时候后，一切都已经太晚了。
13.一个男人主动为妻子打开车门，可以肯定：要么车是新的，要么妻子是新的。
14.婚姻就是你的妻子逐渐发现自己想要什么样的男人的过程。
15.所有已婚男人都应该忘掉自己的错误--两个人都记着同样的事其实没什么意义。
16.男人要想维持幸福婚姻就应该学会把嘴巴闭上，把钱包打开。
17.如果别的男人偷走了你老婆，最好的报复方式就是让他把她留着。
18.想让你的婚姻充满爱，就要--你犯错的时候，承认错误。你没错的时候，闭上嘴巴。
19.我的想法正好与妻子一样，她说我很幸运。
20.结婚前一个男人握住女人的手是因为爱情，结婚之后就是出于自卫了。
21.幸福的婚姻就是给予和索取：给予的是丈夫，索取的是妻子。
22.结婚并不仅仅是有了妻子，还有随之而来的无尽的烦恼。
23.每个人生来都是平等自由的，但是他们中的一些人结婚了。
24.绅士就是从来不当着女士的面骂自己妻子的人。
26 What If...
"Dear，"said the wife，"what would you do if I died？"
"Why，dear，I would be extremely upset."said the husband，"Why do you ask such a question？"
"Would you remarry？"persevered the wife.
"No，of course not，dear."said the husband.
"Don’t you like being married？"said the wife.
"Of course I do，dear."he said.
"Then why wouldn’t you remarry？"
"Alright."said the husband，"I’d remarry."
"You would？"said the wife，looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes."said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed？"said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes，I suppose I would."replied the husband.
"I see."said the wife indignantly，"And would you let her wear my old clothes？"
"I suppose，if she wanted to."
"Really."said the wife icily，"And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her？"
"Yes.I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so？"said the wife，leaping to her feet."And I suppose you’d let her play with my golf clubs，too."
"Of course not，dear."said the husband，"She’s left‐handed."
要是……
“亲爱的，”妻子说，“要是我死了，你怎么办？”
“怎么啦，亲爱的，我会很伤心。”丈夫说，“你干吗问这样的问题？”
“你会再婚吗？”做妻子的毫不放松。
“不会，当然不会，亲爱的。”丈夫说。
“你不喜欢结婚？”妻子说。
“当然喜欢，亲爱的。”他说。
“那么你为什么不再婚？”
“好吧，”丈夫说，“我再婚就是了。”
“你会？”妻子说，看来有点受伤的样子。
“是的。”丈夫说。
“你会和她睡在这张床上吗？”妻子沉默了好一会儿问道。
“唔，是的吧，我想会的。”丈夫回答。
“明白了。”妻子恼怒地说，“你会让她穿我的衣服吗？”
“会吧，如果她想穿的话。”丈夫说。
“是吗？”妻子冷冰冰地说，“你会把我的照片换成她的吗？”
“会的，我想那样做是对的。”
“是吗？”妻子跳起来，“那你也会让她用我的高尔夫球杆吧！”
“当然不会，亲爱的，”丈夫说，“她是个左撇子。”